https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXP94SeQaqI&feature=share
15 March 2017
13 March 2017
J
What’s the point of sharing your story? Of letting people into your head so they understand what it’s like to live with a mental illness?
Mighty contributor Alexandra Gilliland argues that when she shares things about her mental health online, she doesn’t do it for attention – she does it to let others know they are not alone. Because she wants people to know that despite what she’s been though, she’s still fighting.
That’s why she shares her story. Why do you share yours?
Read on for that piece, a list of tweets that completely nail what anxiety feels like and statuses people with mental illness want to post online, but don’t.
For Christ and Christ alone.
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jp
Murdering myself is a sin. There is no big sin or small sin, there is no 10 days dead or 100 days dead. We are All Dead.
Thinking of murdering someone is already committing murder.
With the Pharisees, who boasted in their perfect law-keeping, Jesus spoke of the law at its most pristine standard, such that it was impossible for any man to keep. He did it so that man would come to the end of depending on himself and begin to see that he desperately needs a Savior (Galatians 3:24).
Jesus brought the Law to its pristine standard, whereas the Pharisees brought it to a manageable standard. Jesus showed the pristine standard of the Law to bring man to the end of himself, so that he would recognise his need for a Savior.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thinking of murdering someone is already committing murder.
With the Pharisees, who boasted in their perfect law-keeping, Jesus spoke of the law at its most pristine standard, such that it was impossible for any man to keep. He did it so that man would come to the end of depending on himself and begin to see that he desperately needs a Savior (Galatians 3:24).
Jesus brought the Law to its pristine standard, whereas the Pharisees brought it to a manageable standard. Jesus showed the pristine standard of the Law to bring man to the end of himself, so that he would recognise his need for a Savior.
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11 March 2017
Cnv3
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\outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 want to die because I had such a hard time coming out of the hospital in 2012. I had to scheme my way, squeeze my way out, devise, trick, plan, squirm my way out of the IMH after 6 months. It was so bad, there are people still staying there after I left. So many goddamn patients left there by their family, all abandoned and being abused in the hospital.
\f1\fs34 \cf2 \cb1 \strokec2 \
\f0\fs26\fsmilli13333 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 The hospital staff was also unprofessional. The doctors too. KEEPING you there like some hamster.
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\f0\fs26\fsmilli13333 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 I SWEAR if I'm gonna go out, Imma die. I want to die then to go back in again. No guarantees. And that stupid bloody hell medicine. And injections.
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\outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 want to die because I had such a hard time coming out of the hospital in 2012. I had to scheme my way, squeeze my way out, devise, trick, plan, squirm my way out of the IMH after 6 months. It was so bad, there are people still staying there after I left. So many goddamn patients left there by their family, all abandoned and being abused in the hospital.
\f1\fs34 \cf2 \cb1 \strokec2 \
\f0\fs26\fsmilli13333 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 The hospital staff was also unprofessional. The doctors too. KEEPING you there like some hamster.
\f1\fs34 \cf2 \cb1 \strokec2 \
\f0\fs26\fsmilli13333 \cf2 \cb3 \strokec2 I SWEAR if I'm gonna go out, Imma die. I want to die then to go back in again. No guarantees. And that stupid bloody hell medicine. And injections.
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
cnvtwo
Please Give me a chance 2 members
Monday, March 6, 2017
gen created the group «Please Give me a chance»
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gen
I want to die.
gen
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
10:00:30 PM
1:44:18 AM
https://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm (https://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm)
What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal?
Take it seriously.
Myth: The people who talk about it don't do it. Studies have found that more than 75% of all completed suicides did things in the few weeks or months prior to their deaths to indicate to others that they were in deep despair. Anyone expressing suicidal feelings needs immediate attention.
Myth: Anyone who tries to kill himself has got to be crazy. Perhaps 10% of all suicidal people are psychotic or have delusional beliefs about reality. Most suicidal people suffer from the recognized mental illness of depression; but many depressed people adequately manage their daily affairs. The absence of craziness does not mean the absence of suicide risk.
Those problems weren't enough to commit suicide over, is often said by people who knew a completed suicide. You cannot assume that because you feel something is not worth being suicidal about, that the person you are with feels the same way. It is not how bad the problem is, but how badly it's hurting the person who has it.
Remember: suicidal behavior is a cry for help.
Myth: If a someone is going to kill himself, nothing can stop him. The fact that a person is still alive is sufficient proof that part of him wants to remain alive. The suicidal person is ambivalent part of him wants to live and part of him wants not so much death as he wants the pain to end. It is the part that wants to live that tells another I feel suicidal. If a suicidal person turns to you it is likely that he believes that you are more caring, more informed about coping with misfortune, and more willing to protect his confidentiality. No matter how negative the manner and content of his talk, he is doing a positive thing and has a positive view of you.
Be willing to give and get help sooner rather than later.
Suicide prevention is not a last minute activity. All textbooks on depression say it should be reached as soon as possible. Unfortunately, suicidal people are afraid that trying to get help may bring them more pain: being told they are stupid, foolish, sinful, or manipulative; rejection; punishment; suspension from school or job; written records of their condition; or involuntary commitment. You need to do everything you can to reduce pain, rather than increase or prolong it. Constructively involving yourself on the side of life as early as possible will reduce the risk of suicide.
Listen.
Give the person every opportunity to unburden his troubles and ventilate his feelings. You don't need to say much and there are no magic words. If you are concerned, your voice and manner will show it. Give him relief from being alone with his pain; let him know you are glad he turned to you. Patience, sympathy, acceptance. Avoid arguments and advice giving.
ASK: Are you having thoughts of suicide?
Myth: Talking about it may give someone the idea. People already have the idea; suicide is constantly in the news media. If you ask a despairing person this question you are doing a good thing for them: you are showing him that you care about him, that you take him seriously, and that you are willing to let him share his pain with you. You are giving him further opportunity to discharge pent up and painful feelings. If the person is having thoughts of suicide,
find out how far along his ideation has progressed.
If the person is acutely suicidal, do not leave him alone.
If the means are present, try to get rid of them. Detoxify the home.
Urge professional help.
Persistence and patience may be needed to seek, engage and continue with as many options as possible. In any referral situation, let the person know you care and want to maintain contact.
No secrets.
It is the part of the person that is afraid of more pain that says Don't tell anyone. It is the part that wants to stay alive that tells you about it. Respond to that part of the person and persistently seek out a mature and compassionate person with whom you can review the situation. (You can get outside help and still protect the person
www.metanoia.org
What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal? (https://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm) Nine things that will help; plus a list of Suicide Warning Signs.
from pain causing breaches of privacy.) Do not try to go it alone. Get help for the person and for yourself. Distributing the anxieties and responsibilities of suicide prevention makes it easier and much more effective.
From crisis to recovery.
Most people have suicidal thoughts or feelings at some point in their lives; yet less than 2% of all deaths are suicides. Nearly all suicidal people suffer from conditions that will pass with time or with the assistance of a recovery program. There are hundreds of modest steps we can take to improve our response to the suicidal and to make it easier for them to seek help. Taking these modest steps can save many lives and reduce a great deal of human suffering.
WARNING SIGNS
Conditions associated with increased risk of suicide
Death or terminal illness of relative or friend.
Divorce, separation, broken relationship, stress on family. Loss of health (real or imaginary).
1:44:18 AM
Loss of job, home, money, status, selfesteem, personal security. Alcohol or drug abuse.
Depression. In the young depression may be masked by hyperactivity or acting out behavior. In the elderly it may be incorrectly attributed to the natural effects of aging. Depression that seems to quickly disappear for no apparent reason is cause for concern. The early stages of recovery from depression can be a high risk period. Recent studies have associated anxiety disorders with increased risk for attempted suicide.
Emotional and behavioral changes associated with suicide
Overwhelming Pain: pain that threatens to exceed the person's pain coping capacities. Suicidal feelings are often the result of longstanding problems that have been exacerbated by recent precipitating events. The precipitating factors may be new pain or the loss of pain coping resources.
Hopelessness: the feeling that the pain will continue or get worse; things will never get better.
Powerlessness: the feeling that one's resources for reducing pain are exhausted.
Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt, selfhatred, no one cares. Fears of losing control, harming self or others. Personality becomes sad, withdrawn, tired, apathetic, anxious, irritable, or prone to angry outbursts.
Declining performance in school, work, or other activities. (Occasionally the reverse: someone who volunteers for extra duties because they need to fill up their time.)
Social isolation; or association with a group that has different moral standards than those of the family.
Declining interest in sex, friends, or activities previously enjoyed. Neglect of personal welfare, deteriorating physical appearance. Alterations in either direction in sleeping or eating habits. (Particularly in the elderly) Selfstarvation, dietary mismanagement, disobeying medical instructions.
Difficult times: holidays, anniversaries, and the first week after discharge from a hospital; just before and after diagnosis of a major illness; just before and during disciplinary proceedings. Undocumented status adds to the stress of a crisis.
Suicidal Behavior
Previous suicide attempts, miniattempts.
Explicit statements of suicidal ideation or feelings.
Development of suicidal plan, acquiring the means, rehearsal behavior, setting a time for the attempt.
Selfinflicted injuries, such as cuts, burns, or head banging. Reckless behavior. (Besides suicide, other leading causes of death among young people in New York City are homicide, accidents, drug overdose, and AIDS.) Unexplained accidents among children and the elderly.
Making out a will or giving away favorite possessions. Inappropriately saying goodbye.
Verbal behavior that is ambiguous or indirect: I'm going away on a real long trip., You won't have to worry about me anymore., I want to go to sleep and never wake up., I'm so depressed, I just can't go on., Does God punish suicides?, Voices are telling me to do bad things., requests for euthanasia information, inappropriate joking, stories or essays on morbid themes.
Click here for more common signs of someone who may be suicidal.
A WARNING ABOUT WARNING SIGNS
The majority of the population at any one
time does not have many of the warning signs and has a lower suicide risk rate. But a lower rate in a larger population is still a lot of people and many completed suicides had only a few of the conditions listed above. In a one person to another person situation, all indications of suicidality need to be taken seriously.
Crisis intervention hotlines that accept calls from the suicidal, or anyone who wishes to discuss a problem, are (in New York City) The Samaritans at 2126733000 and Helpline at 2125322400.
Site Index:
Return to Suicide: Read This First
How serious is our condition?
Why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal? Recovery from grief and loss for suicidal persons
The stigma of suicide that keeps us from getting help
Online depression resources for suicidal persons
Handling a call from a suicidal person
Nine ways to help a suicidal person; and Suicide Warning Signs
This resource is hosted by mental health information at Psych Central.
gen
1:44:18 AM
2:08:23 AM
I hate Sa Pek
2:08:33 AM
I want to die.
I don't want to go into IMH. For my Whole Entire Life. Anymore.
Instructions:
1. Go back to Zion when I die.
2. Talk to Jia Min. She's my confidante.
3. Be available for the rest of the YFers to find information from you.
4. Sue IMH.
5. Come back home to stay IMMEDIATELY.
Elaine Tan
Why would you go in when no one will send you for no reason now ?
gen No
Elaine Tan
Unless you did sth
gen
If I get married, and I quarrel with my husband, I will get sent
I have a phobia
If I have kids, I quarrel with my kids, I will get sent I have a record
I have a record
I have a record.
If I get into trouble outside, I will get sent
Elaine Tan
If you truly trust Jesus in the plans He has for you, then whatever will be will be.
gen
If I get into trouble with the police again, I will get sent
If I go into IMH again, I cannot go to church I cannot do Bible Study
That will make my spiritual life go down
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And make me worse even though I really really believe in Jesus and want to stay alive.
Plus, the medicine is making me worst
Also, I want to die cos I don't want to be labelled as "mentally ill" for life
Elaine Tan
If you have the spiritual life in the first place, the faith i.e. The essence of faith means believing something that is unbelievable
gen
The worst part is, if I go into hospital, I cannot go to YF.
gen
The worst part is, if I go into hospital, I cannot go to YF.
I hate that.
YF is my life.
Elaine Tan
That In the grand scheme of things, Something good will happen, we don't know the full consequences yet why lose faith?
gen
If I have 0.0000001 percent of going into IMH, I rather not.
You should help me.
You should convince papa to STOP thinking I'm freaking mentally sick.
Because of IMH I want to die. Because of Sa Pek
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Elaine Tan
Why do you care about what others think ? When all you have to account to is God ?
gen
I cannot live in IMH.
How good an account would be from me that I am a prisoner and beggar for life in IMH?
To others?
It is not God's will for someone to become a prostitute because she got no money to earn for a living
It is not God's will for someone to get AIDS and live in the desert Africa and swarm with hunger
Elaine Tan
God creates all things good in its essence, but allows the consequences to happen
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gen
It is not God's will for you to be tortured
God gave me free will.
Elaine Tan
gen
It is not God's will for someone to get AIDS and live in the des
Then how do you explain the occurrence of this ?
gen
I want to go to heaven
You explain YOURSELF WHY YOU NEVER VISIT ME WHILE I WAS SUFFERING IN HOSPITAL
Sometimes I think of me dying, I cry:( I don't want to die.
Elaine Tan
2:18:29 AM
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Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every creature of God is good (1 Tim 4:4), and God is the greatest good, therefore every being is good... No being can be spoken of as evil... as being, but only insofar as it lacks being. Thus a man is said to be evil because he lacks some virtue, and an eye is said to be evil because it lacks the power to see well.
Now, when St Thomas says that "no being can be spoken of as evil, formally as being, but only so far as it lacks being." Thus a man is said to be evil, the evil is not a thing, an entity, a being; it is a defect or lack or privation in a thing. The soul is good, the sin is not. God made the eye and its sight; God made the soul and its virtues, and its love (for "God is love"), but not the sins, vices, the lack of virtue, the lovelessness.
St Augustine said, "I sought for the cause of evil, but I sought in
an evil way." He was looking everywhere else but in the mirror (human being himself). Evil is in our sins, which come from us, not in our being, which comes from God. We love to blame matter, or our bodies, or others, or "society", or our parents, or chance, or evolution, or genetics, or our ancestors, or the Devil, or even God, for the evil in our lives. But God is allgood, so we can't blame God; and all that God made is good, so we can't blame any of that. God made even the Devil good in the beginning; the Devil corrupted himself by his own rebellion. The devil can only tempt us, not force us. So we are left with nothing to blame but ourselves.
We are created good, but we do not remain good. We have free will and have to bear the consequences. God as a being does not create evil, but God lets nature be, and only allows evil to give something good in the grand scheme of things.
Here's a story as an analogy:
"There is a Chinese story of a farmer who used an old horse to till his fields. One day, the horse escaped into the hills and when the farmer's neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?" A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, "Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?"
Then, when the farmer's son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every ablebodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg, they let him off. Now was that good luck or bad luck?
Who knows?
Everything that seems on the surface to be an evil may be a good in disguise. And everything that seems good on the surface may really be an evil. So we are wise when we leave it to God to decide what is good fortune and what misfortune, and thank him that all things turn out for good with those who love him."
gen
The times when I slept alone in the hospital, I cried to sleep
Elaine Tan
gen
You explain YOURSELF WHY YOU NEVER VISIT ME WHILE I W...
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I am sorry, I know it's wrong
gen
And I want to kill myself right there and then
Elaine Tan
Elaine Tan
I am sorry, I know it's wrong
And that's what I learnt recently in the Church
gen Ok.
I already forgive you
Elaine Tan
I cannot defend myself in anyway, for the Bible did clearly say that.
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gen
Video 1.1 MB Download () ()
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Play video
Elaine Tan
But there no saints without a past, no sinners without a future
Why look at the past?
gen Nvm
For the future. I am scared
Go be someone who can help IMH Be an advocate
I am saving myself if I die
Who can save me?
I am penniless.
Nvm.
Have a break.
Go rest.
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Elaine Tan
““You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Matthew 5:3848 NIV http://bible.com/111/mat.5.3848.niv (http://bible.com/111/mat.5.3848.niv)
Bible Matthew
5:3848,
New
International Version (NIV) (http://bible.com/111/mat.5.3848.niv)
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn...
gen
You must give me a chance. To sit down and talk to you. When are you free.
To tell you my story
Elaine Tan
If anyone has sinned against you be it Sa Pek or what. What has Christ commanded you to do?
2:23:01 AM
(http://bible.com/111/mat.5.3848.niv)
gen
gen
Listen to this
2:23:22 AM
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2:24:09 AM
2:24:13 AM
gen 2/22/17
New Recordi... 5.2 MB Download Play
Elaine Tan
Be like Christ he was thrown with stones but yet did not resist
gen
gen Audio
This is my story I talked to Pastor Jon
Elaine Tan
If anyone has sinned against you be it Sa Pek or what. What ...
I know. I have stayed so long in the hospital and missing out on Bible Study and church make me backslide
Elaine Tan
Learn to love even the person you hate most
Learn to forgive people
gen
Yes. I forgive Sa Pek. But, I Just Don't want to go into IMH Again.
I scared.
The hospital bully people
Elaine Tan
Then why you raise lawsuit against ppl?
gen
whatnursesdoinIMHgen.blogspot.com (http://whatnursesdoinIMHgen.blogspot.com)
It is a Personal Protection Order. Not a lawsuit.
Elaine Tan
So? Why continue to bear grudges ?
gen
You know how papa is like
No grudges.
Elaine Tan
You have to be the change you want to see
gen
I want to shout at them that it's so frustrating to be continuously sent into IMH of all places. I want to shout at them in court.
Iwantedtosendastrongmessage.OfallthesufferingsI'vebeen through in IMH, I need something strong to send them a strong message.
Elaine Tan
Be like Christ he was thrown with stones but yet did not resist
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I want to be like that. But staying in the hospital for prolonged periods of time makes my spirituality grow dry. And I have no strength apart from Christ.
Elaine Tan
If you truly trust Christ in that in His time, He will place judgement on others, why take justice to your own hands ?
gen
Because I backslide
Elaine Tan
gen
I want to be like that. But staying in the hospital for prolonge
Then? Arent you in church now?
gen Yes
I feel so much better now
But I am afraid of going back to IMH again.
Ever again in my future life.
I am scared.
Can you be sure that I will NEVER. EVER. go back into IMH again??
Elaine Tan
You have to learn whatever it is, if you have faith. If you continue with living and hold steadfast to the belief that everything will be okay. Why bother about worry?
Will worrying add a day to your life ?
gen
That's number 1
Number 2. If I have a home?
Many people are well in IMH, but they CANNOT get out of the hospital Because they have No Place to stay.
Their family member don't want them. So they stay in hospital for 50, 60 years. I am not going to be like them.
Elaine Tan
You worry too much
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“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Matthew 6:34 NIV http://bible.com/111/mat.6.34.niv (http://bible.com/111/mat.6.34.niv)
Bible Matthew
6:34, New
International
Version
(NIV) (http://bible.com/111/mat.6.34.niv) Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
gen
You already hate me for staying at home.
What if things happen again? I will get sent to IMH. Surely. I want to die. Be euthanised.
Elaine Tan
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
gen
You are family. You know best.
Elaine Tan
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all the
Yes. I don't worry. I live flagrant from life to life now. I don't worry about money.
I. Am. Not. Worrying.
I. Am. Being Strategic In Dying
It's better for me to die earlier. Before mama and papa grow older and cannot take the emotional hit from my death.
Elaine Tan
gen
You already hate me for staying at home.
Why? It's just annoying, some of your habits. But I've learnt that if it means to love someone, it means to selfsacrifice
gen gen
2:31:06 AM
(http://bible.com/111/mat.6.34.niv)
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It's better for me to die earlier. Before mama and papa grow ... That's one
Elaine Tan
Why? It's just annoying, some of your habits. But I've learnt th
Yes. Good that you know that
Also, PLEASE REMEMBER that the MEDICINE IS causing suicidal tendencies in me.
Elaine Tan
But if you love us too, will you?
gen
Go google Paliperidone
Elaine Tan
But if you love us too, will you?
I feel cold
Elaine Tan
But if you love us too, will you?
I coldened my heart
gen
I coldened my heart
I still have abit of love. But the enstrangement between us has made me give up.
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You must sit down and talk to me. When are you free? I hate Sa Pek.
He is completely unaware of my feelings.
I've lost everything.:(
Plus, the injection and ECT, it's making me die.
ElectroConvulsive Therapy.
I am scared of being put to IMH and being forced to have Electro Convulsive Therapy again and I will lose myself. Lose All my
memories and myself.
It all started in 2007 YF camp when they locked me out of the handicap toilet.
And then I started the filth on internet and then abit of Papa, I backslided
Anyway. All these Tan family thing, that is reason why I want to go to Malaysia. You should go to the Ma family. The Tan family is inadequate.
The Ma family is so much more sane. Friendly. Proper. Forgiving. And they need the gospel too.
Reach out to them.
Sometimes when bad things happen to me, I will have a rush and I will think "I should have died earlier" And feel death is such a long way. And, as death comes nearer to me now, I feel so much better and happier that death is coming soon. :'|
Bad things like:
1. Having no money and my home cannot help me
2. When Papa shouts at me
3. When there seem to be no way out at home,
I am not a heartless person. I still cry whenever I think I have gone down into such a level where I had to suicide.
Elaine Tan
You have to learn whatever it is, if you have faith. If you co
Somehow or another things will happen in this house again.
Unless I can be SURE. But I can't be Sure.
I know Papa is flailing now.
But I used to think there can be no solution unless Papa and Sa Pek die.
2:44:51 AM
2:46:11 AM
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2:50:06 AM
But now, there also might not be any solution because now
EVerybody knows I'm from freaking IMH and ANybody can send me to IMH too. Including u.
gen 3:05:15 AM Instructions:
1. Go back to Zion when I die.
2. Talk to Jia Min. She's my confidante.
3. Be available for the rest of the YFers to find information from you.
4. Sue IMH.
5. Come back home to stay IMMEDIATELY.
6. GET BACK ALL MY STUFF from Bukit Gombak Group Home. 6.1 The stand fan is mine. The wooden small cupboard is mine. The two mattress are mine. Get them back because it can add material wealth to the family.
All sentimental stuff in that my room. Important things like bras and underwears which you can reuse or extra clothes and alot of other useful stuff.
** Pictures.
Me and Jessica picture,
The letters YFers wrote to me,
all sentimental value, Please keep it for my sake.
7. I really don't want to be alive.
7.1 In the attempt I might still be alive after jumping down, I am
a vegetable, OR, I am going to BE sent into IMH again, PLEASE. KILL. ME. I want to be euthanised than to live again OR be staying in IMH forever ok.
7.2 I have signed the AMD form in 2014. The Advanced Medical Directive that if I Am Brain Dead, but I'm still alive, Pull the Plug.
I cannot.
50 years down the road if mama and papa died already and I can't take care of myself, and I am in IMH, who is going to save me?
8. Continue to live on. Do Not follow Catholic. And try to change IMH.
9. Lastly, trust in God. Jesus loves you. Love Jesus.
I love Jesus. He also first loved me.
I dunno. My brain is warped. the meds..
I cannot enter into heaven by my own works.
It is COMPLETELY by the Unmerited Grace of God and what Jesus
have done to enter me into heaven.
Murdering myself is a sin. There is no big sin or small sin, there is no 10 days dead or 100 days dead. We are All Dead.
Thinking of murdering someone is already committing murder.
In 2012 when I was in the hospital, I felt murderous. I slept on my bed and I thought of killing mama and papa. And the thought I shifted I think I should kill myself.
Help.
But no thanks. gen via @gif
3:07:32 AM
gen
GIF
3:10:48 AM
3:11:20 AM
BecausewhatIfeelinmyheartisdifferentfromwhatIfeelinmy 3:20:56AM head. Because my heart is already rhythm is changed. And it is
pumping crazily fast. And the blood kept pumping into my brain
and it kept pushing down on my vein that causes what I think to
be unbearable. The brain kept telling me or sometimes keep telling me: Quickly go and die go and die quickly.
They don't understand I don't have a mental illness and whatever hospital just makes me feel worse. All I need is just to be myself. All I need is God. They don't understand I hate being labelled as a mentally ill patient and being forced medicine and thinking I am actually having a diagnosis when in actual fact I am just a simple normal person just like everybody else.
My heart is out for Jesus and I truly believe he brings healing. But
my myocardium continues to betray me. While I am thinking of Jesus and His goodness, my physical heart is working strangely that causes me to think of thoughts which me, as a Christian self would not resort to thinking.
Think about it, why in the world would me, Genevieve, who thinks that suicide is utterly stupid would Resort to suicide?
I don't want to!...
When I was on the drugs, unexplanably, my eyes would at many times uncontrollably, suddenly roll up into my head.
Side effect:
Psychiatric
Common (1% to 10%): depression, suicidal ideation
Paliperidone can cause changes in the heart rhythm, such as a condition called QT prolongation. It may change the way your heart beats and cause fainting or serious side effects. Symptoms of heart rhythm problems, such as fast, pounding, or irregular heartbeats.
For diabetic patients: Paliperidone may affect your blood sugar levels. Increased thirst or increased urination.
Dizziness, lightheadedness, or fainting may occur, especially when you get up from a lying or sitting position suddenly.
Paliperidone injection may also cause some people to have suicidal thoughts and tendencies or to become more depressed.
Paliperidone may increase your weight.
Suic:
And I'm afraid of going back into that hospital to have abuses and sarcasm by the nurses with illtreatment.
Plus, they think they should cure people with their "meds" but their meds make me worse.
DO NOT ask me to change my medicine. Paliperidone is the BEST medication already. Because I've tried billions of medicine and the rest make me cannot even function. My eyes will stuck to my head and I cannot even THINK.
This is the best medication already.
I would STILL want to be on it if I ever still be alive.
Because I know somehow they will force medicine on me again. I cannot take ANY other medications.
I don't want to take pills. If you want to force me, just poke me once a month.
How shitty I sound.
I am afraid of living somemore because currently, my heart is failing. If I live somemore and I get old age and my heart got problem, by that time I want to die I cannot die already. I don't want to be old and crippled and unmoveable and suffering inside. I've suffered kinda enough.
My heart is pumping very fast even now.
I've experienced worst. Especially when bathing. The eye rolling.
I live a nomad gypsy life. I don't like it. Drifting from one place to another. I have to end this.
Elaine Tan
You have to be the change you want to see
I have been an avid advocate. Meeting M Ravi, posting online, writing to TheRealSingapore and Temasek Review Emeritus and writing to The Straits Times, reaching out to the mentally ill, being friends with them, explored every inch of IMH, tried to evangelise to them, but as the medicine dawn and aged on me, I ... can't.
Plus, the rejection and facial expression from people, I don't know where to Not be embarassed.
I hold my future. What an irony. God holds my future but God gave me freewill.
What a walking contradiction. I can only achieve perfection through Bible Study.
I am so far away from the Word.
I need to realise I am not alone. I need to realise others may experience suicidalness too. I am so selfabsorbed. I need more knowledge.
I always think I'm alone.
But I do what deems fit.
http://www.whatnursesdoinIMHgen.blogspot.com (http://www.whatnursesdoinIMHgen.blogspot.com)
3:23:12 AM
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Tell me if anyone has felt suicidal before too. If there are, I cannot think I am the only one.
Ultimately only Bible Study can reset my mind. I love the Word.
I need the Word.
I love the Word
I need the Word
But I refuse to let the power change me.
Hardened heart: I think I'm not letting the power change me. Ultimately God will wipe every tear from our eyes at the end of Revelation.
I still believe God has an ultimate good out of everthing. Yes, good for my situation.
But, how do we battle against the pumping heart and brain damage?
I want to do Bible Study. I need to do Bible Study.
I cannot guarantee I will not suicide again but the desire.. I want the Word. I need.
Elaine Tan
God creates all things good in its essence, but allows the conse
Yes. The consequences of our sin happened but He also provided for us Jesus so that we can be washed of our sins and have life and life more abundantly. Jesus gave back so much more that the first Adam has lost.
Elaine Tan
Then how do you explain the occurrence of this ?
Because human has bowed down to an outlaw spirit. Satan. This earth is fallen and because when God created us, He created us with glory and honor. But we chose to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and not trust God and we bowed down and listened to Satan and given our rights to him. Because Satan rule the earth, our earth is not perfect. It groans and aches and there are earthquakes and natural disasters.
But if God were to COMPLETELY rule the earth, there will be no sickness, no death, there will be no tears, everything will be perfect.
But we chose to take things to our own hands instead of submitting to God. All of us.
So God said "Ok, fine, you want, I let go, you see what happens"
3:42:31 AM
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But the answer is Jesus!
God provided a way out that though we choosing the wrong fruit, now we can ALSO CHOOSE to believe in Jesus
Which saves us from everything, makes us more compassionate, and want to reach out to the kids in Africa and provide water for them, and feed them nice food, makes us want to bring the prostitute to church. (also the example of the prostitute washing Jesus' feet with her hair)
But even if these things were to happen, bad things, you know God don't want these, it is not God's will to torture you on earth.
Yes, discipline, etc. But I really don't think I should be tortured that terribly in IMH. Really.
I do believe God will give revenge, but “We know that the law is spiritual,
but I am not.
I am so human.
Sin rules me as if I were its slave.
I don’t understand why I act the way I do.
I don’t do the good I want to do, and I do the evil I hate.
And if I don’t want to do what I do, that means I agree that the law is good.
But I am not really the one doing the evil.
It is sin living in me that does it.
Yes, I know that nothing good lives in me—I mean nothing good lives in the part of me that is not spiritual.
I want to do what is good, but I don’t do it.
I don’t do the good that I want to do.
I do the evil that I don’t want to do.
So if I do what I don’t want to do, then I am not really the one doing it.
It is the sin living in me that does it. So I have learned this rule: When I want to do good, evil is there with me.
3:55:27 AM 3:58:44 AM
In my mind I am happy with God’s law.
But I see another law working in my body.
That law makes war against the law that my mind accepts.
That other law working in my body is the law of sin, and that law makes me its prisoner.
What a miserable person I am! Who will save me from this body that brings me death?
I thank God for his salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:1425 ERV
http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv (http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
Bible Romans
7:1425,
Holy
Bible:
EasytoRead Version (ERV) (http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
We know that the law is spiritual, but I am not. I am so human. Sin rules me as if I were its slave. I don’t understand why I act the way I do. I don’t do the good I...
Elaine Tan
If you truly trust Jesus in the plans He has for you, then whate
Jesus taught us to be as innocent as dove and as Shrewd as snakes.
I cannot be Que Sera Sera. I cannot let things slide.
Perhaps you also don't know the nurses in IMH they really press you and squeeze you and hurt you emotionally and physically that you just want to send a strong message.
They are sarcastic, lack of love, out on their jobs for simply money. They affect me with their presence everyday. They walk around, I witness scotchtaping a patient's mouth by a nurse in front of me. A nurse punch and kick a patient till he had fractured rips and had to be jailed 1 year.
How?
It's like Pure Torture. Every single day. Do I want this? Whatever will be will be? No. I can also send an extremely strong message that Hey, You fking IMH, you caused my sister's death because of
(http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
4:08:31 AM
your UNPROfessional treatment there. I may ripple the IMH and FORCE them.
You have to go back to Zion to tell them all these things.
Elaine Tan
You have to learn whatever it is, if you have faith. If you co
I have faith. But not blind faith. http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/newsandviews/opinion/no everythingdoesntworkoutforareason20170221gui2wh.html (http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/newsandviews/opinion/no everythingdoesntworkoutforareason20170221gui2wh.html)
Everything will be okay. Sometimes it gets very dark when I am thick on the injection and medicine. I hope you get it/maybe understand a little.
(http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/newsand
views/opinion/noeverythingdoesntworkoutforareason 20170221gui2wh.html)
The Sydney Morning Herald
It is nonsense to tell people that their suffering is
happening for a reason (http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/newsand views/opinion/noeverythingdoesntworkoutfora reason20170221gui2wh.html)
We need to stop thinking that 'looking on the bright side' is the only way to cope with tragedy and misfortune in life.
Elaine Tan
If anyone has sinned against you be it Sa Pek or what. What ...
Honestly I should let him slap me on the left cheek. But I am stubborn. Now. I've changed.
I want to share everything with you. Things that I discover. We should talk. The wall.
Satan is attacking our family.
He knows I am good at memorising verses and he is attacking my brain with the ECT and medicine.
He lose. Because I have Jesus. It is my heart.
Elaine Tan
You have to learn whatever it is, if you have faith. If you co
I think God gave us a brain, to think and to strategize. And really, I think I am like that
4:09:23 AM 4:13:15 AM
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A stark reminder for myself:
“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without selfcontrol, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power..”
2 Timothy 3:15 NIV
I guess everything happened for a reason.
Elaine Tan
You have to learn whatever it is, if you have faith. If you co
I can't do it alone. I need support.
Elaine Tan
If you truly trust Christ in that in His time, He will place j
Actually it's not justice. I just don't want Sa Pek to flagrantly treat me and send me to IMH. I have to teach him in an extremely unpleasant way. I don't want justice. But I want to transfer my full feelings to him. Because He Doesn't know perhaps how terrible IMH is and it's useless talking to him.
I hate his attitude and his controlling.
Ever since I went to court, he COMPLETELY stopped all his nonsense towards me because I made him cry in front of the judge in Trial.
I drilled him in question like "Why do you ask my sister to block all the numbers when the hospital wanted to discharge me"
I should go to court BUT. I am using the court as a means to transfer my feelings to him and if not these are too much for me to bear and I'd kill myself.
I should not* go to court BUT. it's my fight response to my dying thoughts
because I can
Firstly: Make sure I don't have to go to IMH anymore. If I have the PPO against him.
That solves solution number 1
And if I have the DEO, number 2, I will be assured I have a home because of the Domestic Exclusion Order on the house with part of the house my room to be my ownership. If anything happens,
4:19:40 AM 4:20:27 AM
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I can still be assured I can come back to my home.
I was trying not to die to solve this two problems. I was trying. To find a way out from suicide which seems the only way.
I was trying.
Things might happen again. I cannot. No IMH.
Elaine Tan
Will worrying add a day to your life ?
I don't worry at all. I love that Word. It's just that I need security. I need a permanent home to start working properly (who the shit knows Im going to be sent into IMH for another few months you think my boss will understand?)
I need to Stop entering into IMH. Staying there Does Not make me better. I lose out to the world. I have no handphone, no communication to the world, how is that helping me? I waste my time away, one month I can earn $2000 6 months will be $12 000. How much I have wasted.
Therefore Sa Pek has effectively Ruined my life by forcing the doctors wanting to keep me for 1 year.
Now everybody thinks I have some psycho stuff in me cos I'm there but they don't understand I have a special uncle.
IMH DOES. NOT. help me at all. In fact it just wastes time and ruins people.
And then I have to psycho myself to think Hey I maybe really got an illness and give in.
But really, You, Elaine, keep quoting Bible, Jesus see people as not sick. Doctors don't have the final say. Only Jesus does. So stop.
And, I give up. I cannot.
I'm psychoing myself maybe I have illness but they don't understand the nurses abused me in the hospital. And after staying there I Really got illness.
It's very hard for people to believe that.
And it also started from my faith. How I strayed and everything. This serves as a warning to all not to. ..
4:40:30 AM
4:48:06 AM
The papa thing too
Pray. Continually pray. We're all in this together. You r my sister.
It's hard for me to live with the people and everyone thinks I have a mental illness because I've been to IMH before. But they don't know it's deeper than that. I'm not going to live with the humiliation and the unexplainess and the forever misunderstood
Meet today.
Elaine Tan
If anyone has sinned against you be it Sa Pek or what. What ...
We need support.
Three strands is hard to break. Bible.
Two is better than one, if one falls down, the other can save him. Ecclesiastes 4:11
Elaine Tan
Why do you care about what others think ? When all you have ...
Why do I care what people think? If papa keeps thinking I'm freaking mentally sick, he will do stuff that would not give myself a good account to God abuse my body with medicine. I want to be accountable for the health of my heart.
My body is being raped of the injection. My body is full of drugs.
Force me medicine in my mouth.
All in all, IMH has ruined my life.
“...The day someone dies is better than the day they were born. It is better to go to a funeral than to a party,
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because everyone must die,
and the living need to remember this.
Sorrow is even better than laughter,
because when our face is sad,
our heart becomes good.
A wise person thinks about death, but a fool thinks only about having a good time.”
Ecclesiastes 7:14 ERV
http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv (http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.1 4.erv)
Bible
Ecclesiastes
7:14, Holy
Bible: Easy
toRead
Version (ERV) (http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv)
A good reputation is better than expensive pleasures. The day someone dies is better than the day they were born. It is better to go to a funeral than to a party,...
gen
Elaine Tan
And that's what I learnt recently in the Church
You don't have to go to that Church to learn that that is wrong. Which church are you attending?
Bible never say not visiting people in IMH is wrong. But the Holy Spirit in you will prompt you and the spirit in me will make me want to explain to you so you know it's wrong.
I see you are using the Catholic as 'healing' to you.
I am sorry for being perfect older sist. I'm sorry for not being perfect
“Here is a true statement that should be accepted without question:
Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, and I am the worst of them.”
(http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv)
5:40:51 AM
5:41:25 AM 5:45:55 AM
1 Timothy 1:15 ERV
http://bible.com/406/1ti.1.15.erv (http://bible.com/406/1ti.1.15.erv)
Bible
1 Timothy
1:15, Holy
Bible: Easy
toRead
Version (ERV) (http://bible.com/406/1ti.1.15.erv) Here is a true statement that should be accepted without question: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, and I am the worst of them.
gen
HP password is geegeegee and all passwords are the old password but first letter capital and plus 1!*55 or 56 or 53 or 52. with some the old pw
DO NOT give my phone to ANYONE except for yourself. ESP for SKP.
Top up my hp every 2 months to keep 91233615 and 83350564 alive in case anyone still calls me to ask where I am.
Can just go to any 7 Eleven store and type in the number they will top up.
Don't let it expire.
All my assets I give you.
Take and use all my things. Use my room.
I think accountancy has caused you to become a Catholic. Go study something human.
I think you should move home soon. And I should die and make way soon. So that you can reintegrate your life and come back to church. Your home church.
gen
Telegram Web.pdf () 187 KB Download ()
Elaine Tan
gen
Because human has bowed down to an outlaw spirit. Satan. T...
(http://bible.com/406/1ti.1.15.erv)
6:10:39 AM
6:17:19 AM
6:19:38 AM
7:00:04 AM
9:49:48 AM
You can check this with any Christian, even in our church
gen
We listened to the serpent
Elaine Tan
Yes, but are you saying God is not sovereign over all things?
gen
Yes. But he allowed Satan
Elaine Tan
That if he is Omni scient and Omni potent and Omni benevolent, why is there evil?
Can you answer this?
gen
If He were to be TOTALLY, it would be perfect.
But He can't because he needs to give us free will.
Evil needs to exist so that we can choose.
If there is only ONE choice, then there is No choice at all.
Elaine Tan
gen
If He were to be TOTALLY, it would be perfect. But He can't bec
Then are you saying God is not all powerful?
gen
So if we can choose between evil or good/love, and then we choose love, than that would be genuine love.
So that he didn't create us robots That would not be right of Him.
Elaine Tan
Then are you saying God is not all powerful?
He Can be all powerful. But He restrict himself
Elaine Tan
Yes! That's why God allowed the consequences of sins!
gen
He can just plonk down from the Universe. But He cramped himself into .. a.. tiny .. woman's... womb.
9:50:39 AM
9:50:55 AM
9:51:15 AM
9:51:29 AM
9:51:34 AM 9:51:44 AM
9:52:03 AM 9:52:17 AM 9:52:53 AM
9:53:01 AM
9:53:19 AM 9:53:27 AM 9:53:43 AM
9:53:53 AM
9:54:10 AM
God can do anything. He can even restrict himself.
9:54:23 AM
Elaine Tan
All we are to blame is not God or Satan BUT ourselves for the consequences
gen
Elaine Tan
Yes! That's why God allowed the consequences of sins!
Yes. But He also allowed Jesus!
Elaine Tan
All we are to blame is not God or Satan BUT ourselves for the...
Our sin.
“We know that the law is spiritual,
but I am not.
I am so human.
Sin rules me as if I were its slave.
I don’t understand why I act the way I do.
I don’t do the good I want to do, and I do the evil I hate.
And if I don’t want to do what I do, that means I agree that the law is good.
But I am not really the one doing the evil.
It is sin living in me that does it.
Yes, I know that nothing good lives in me—I mean nothing good lives in the part of me that is not spiritual.
I want to do what is good, but I don’t do it.
I don’t do the good that I want to do.
I do the evil that I don’t want to do.
So if I do what I don’t want to do, then I am not really the one doing it.
It is the sin living in me that does it. So I have learned this rule: When I want to do good, evil is there with me.
In my mind I am happy with God’s law.
But I see another law working in my body.
9:54:31 AM
9:54:34 AM
9:54:52 AM
9:55:31 AM
That law makes war against the law that my mind accepts.
That other law working in my body is the law of sin, and that law makes me its prisoner.
What a miserable person I am! Who will save me from this body that brings me death?
I thank God for his salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:1425 ERV
http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv (http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
Bible Romans
7:1425,
Holy
Bible:
EasytoRead Version (ERV) (http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
We know that the law is spiritual, but I am not. I am so human. Sin rules me as if I were its slave. I don’t understand why I act the way I do. I don’t do the good I...
Elaine Tan
gen
Yes. But He also allowed Jesus!
Yes, but how you explain that Jesus has no sovereignty over the occurrence of AIDS and famine is wrong
gen
I never blame God ok. Or I also never blame Satan ok. I say I am weak.
Elaine Tan
Yes, but how you explain that Jesus has no sovereignty over the
No. Jesus healed the leprosy guy.
Elaine Tan
Yes, but how you explain that Jesus has no sovereignty over the
People are healed of AIDS now too. By prayed over in Jesus' name
Elaine Tan
Yes but what about those who are not?
gen
Actually nothing is too difficult for me. It is just that I am afraid of going back into IMH again. That's all. Ok.
(http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
9:55:58 AM
9:56:06 AM
9:56:29 AM
9:56:54 AM
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9:57:15 AM
The confinement.. No handphone.. The abuses
The nurses
The food
The seperation
No marriage
Can't go out
Can't have boyfriend Can't be pregnant
Elaine Tan
Elaine Tan
Yes but what about those who are not?
Are you saying that God is not sovereign over this?
gen
I'm going crazy.
Elaine Tan
Yes but what about those who are not?
Not, then we can do something about it. See the AIDS rate, inject the vaccine. God created science.
Elaine Tan
gen
Not, then we can do something about it. See the AIDS rate, inje
Yes, but how about Famine, tornado, floods, typhoons?
gen
Elaine Tan
Are you saying that God is not sovereign over this?
God is Jesus. So, if you want to see what God's heart is, look at What Would Jesus Do.
Elaine Tan
And those unreached areas
Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every creature of God is good (1 Tim 4:4), and God is the greatest good, therefore every being is good... No being can be spoken of as evil... as being, but only insofar as it lacks being. Thus a man is said to be evil because he lacks some virtue, and an eye is said to be evil because it lacks the power to see well.
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Now, when St Thomas says that "no being can be spoken of as evil, formally as being, but only so far as it lacks being." Thus a man is said to be evil, the evil is not a thing, an entity, a being; it is a defect or lack or privation in a thing. The soul is good, the sin is not. God made the eye and its sight; God made the soul and its virtues, and its love (for "God is love"), but not the sins, vices, the lack of virtue, the lovelessness.
St Augustine said, "I sought for the cause of evil, but I sought in an evil way." He was looking everywhere else but in the mirror (human being himself). Evil is in our sins, which come from us, not in our being, which comes from God. We love to blame matter, or our bodies, or others, or "society", or our parents, or chance, or evolution, or genetics, or our ancestors, or the Devil, or even God, for the evil in our lives. But God is allgood, so we can't blame God; and all that God made is good, so we can't blame any of that. God made even the Devil good in the beginning; the Devil corrupted himself by his own rebellion. The devil can only tempt us, not force us. So we are left with nothing to blame but ourselves.
We are created good, but we do not remain good. We have free will and have to bear the consequences. God as a being does not create evil, but God lets nature be, and only allows evil to give something good in the grand scheme of things.
Here's a story as an analogy:
"There is a Chinese story of a farmer who used an old horse to till his fields. One day, the horse escaped into the hills and when the farmer's neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?" A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, "Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?"
Then, when the farmer's son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every ablebodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg, they let him off. Now was that good luck or bad luck?
Who knows?
Everything that seems on the surface to be an evil may be a good in disguise. And everything that seems good on the surface
may really be an evil. So we are wise when we leave it to God to decide what is good fortune and what misfortune, and thank him that all things turn out for good with those who love him."
gen
Elaine Tan
Yes, but how about Famine, tornado, floods, typhoons?
We were crowned with glory and honor (got Bible verse). But it poofed when we bowed down to an outlaw spirit Satan.
We were supposed to be ...
We handed our authority to Satan.
Elaine Tan
Elaine Tan
Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every cre...
Can you read this then talk?
gen
Elaine Tan
Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every cre...
Talk in simple english. Thanks.
Elaine Tan
Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every cre...
Dun archaic can.
Elaine Tan
Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every cre...
ERV.
Now, the earth is not in full control of God. Because God made it that way.
To allow everything to work nicely. If there is evil, there is no choice. If there is no choice, there is no Jesus. And then we will All be Robots. Then what's the point?
Elaine Tan
That's not the point. I already say we have free will right. But you are saying the devil is to be blame. But the devil cannot force us, only tempt us. So We only have ourselves to blame
gen
gen
Because God made it that way.
Because God restricts himself and stand at the side and let the music play. The orchestra.
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Because Revelation says in the end, Satan will be thrown into the pit and chained up for 1000 years and etc and then in the end there will be a New Heaven and New Earth.
In the beginning God created the Heavens and Earth. And then got story.
And then In the end, got good ending.
And then, proves that He's sovereign.
And then can enjoy love and everything from simple things in life. Like mama dancing on the bed.
This is human story.
Suicide, Love, etc. Drama. and Jesus. is love.
And Paliperidone. And weird kinds of shit. To teach us a lesson. :
Never send your childs to IMH ever.
That For God has not given us a Spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a SOUND MIND.
And I am weak. If I'm pushed further, I can die.
That shows that We can NEVER earn our way to heaven. Filthy rags.
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And it is Sola Christ. Sola Christo.
I am the vine you are the branches apart from me Nothing.
I can do
Go IMH I cannot go church. If liddat, I rather die faster.
Elaine Tan
That's not the point. I already say we have free will right. But
I never blame the devil. The devil cannot possess me (like catholic movies) but he can oppress our family.
I have to blame myself if I hardened myself and not let Jesus heal and everything.
Because Jesus will definitely win. But I don't let him. I'm such a wretched shit.
Because I think I'm the last days person. 1 Timothy in the last days....
gen
I am the vine you are the branches apart from me I can do N...
If I cannot have the receive, I will die not a physical death in IMH. But a worms death of my spirit man, it breaks my spirit man, my inner man. I rather remove this torture and kill myself.
The lack of fellowship and worship and Bible Study in IMH. It will Kill me. I rather kill myself. Before I do something violent.
Like killing my parents.
Or throwing my kids down the 8th floor. I rather die.
“...The day someone dies is better than the day they were born. It is better to go to a funeral than to a party,
because everyone must die,
and the living need to remember this.
Sorrow is even better than laughter,
because when our face is sad,
our heart becomes good.
A wise person thinks about death, but a fool thinks only about having a good time.”
Ecclesiastes 7:14 ERV
http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv (http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv)
Bible
(http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv)
Ecclesiastes 7:14, Holy Bible: EasytoRead Version (ERV) (http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv)
A good reputation is better than expensive pleasures. The day someone dies is better than the day they were born. It is better to go to a funeral than to a party,...
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You need to be real. Stop being on a fake front and just say
Jie,
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I love you. I don't want you to die.
Catholic is fake front. Be real.
Elaine Tan LOL
Up to you
gen
I got no time for pretense
Elaine Tan Bye
That's all.
Elaine Tan left group And I'm serious on dying
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gen
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, March 6, 2017
gen created the group «Please Give me a chance»
gen changed group photo
()
gen
I want to die.
gen
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
10:00:30 PM
1:44:18 AM
https://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm (https://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm)
What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal?
Take it seriously.
Myth: The people who talk about it don't do it. Studies have found that more than 75% of all completed suicides did things in the few weeks or months prior to their deaths to indicate to others that they were in deep despair. Anyone expressing suicidal feelings needs immediate attention.
Myth: Anyone who tries to kill himself has got to be crazy. Perhaps 10% of all suicidal people are psychotic or have delusional beliefs about reality. Most suicidal people suffer from the recognized mental illness of depression; but many depressed people adequately manage their daily affairs. The absence of craziness does not mean the absence of suicide risk.
Those problems weren't enough to commit suicide over, is often said by people who knew a completed suicide. You cannot assume that because you feel something is not worth being suicidal about, that the person you are with feels the same way. It is not how bad the problem is, but how badly it's hurting the person who has it.
Remember: suicidal behavior is a cry for help.
Myth: If a someone is going to kill himself, nothing can stop him. The fact that a person is still alive is sufficient proof that part of him wants to remain alive. The suicidal person is ambivalent part of him wants to live and part of him wants not so much death as he wants the pain to end. It is the part that wants to live that tells another I feel suicidal. If a suicidal person turns to you it is likely that he believes that you are more caring, more informed about coping with misfortune, and more willing to protect his confidentiality. No matter how negative the manner and content of his talk, he is doing a positive thing and has a positive view of you.
Be willing to give and get help sooner rather than later.
Suicide prevention is not a last minute activity. All textbooks on depression say it should be reached as soon as possible. Unfortunately, suicidal people are afraid that trying to get help may bring them more pain: being told they are stupid, foolish, sinful, or manipulative; rejection; punishment; suspension from school or job; written records of their condition; or involuntary commitment. You need to do everything you can to reduce pain, rather than increase or prolong it. Constructively involving yourself on the side of life as early as possible will reduce the risk of suicide.
Listen.
Give the person every opportunity to unburden his troubles and ventilate his feelings. You don't need to say much and there are no magic words. If you are concerned, your voice and manner will show it. Give him relief from being alone with his pain; let him know you are glad he turned to you. Patience, sympathy, acceptance. Avoid arguments and advice giving.
ASK: Are you having thoughts of suicide?
Myth: Talking about it may give someone the idea. People already have the idea; suicide is constantly in the news media. If you ask a despairing person this question you are doing a good thing for them: you are showing him that you care about him, that you take him seriously, and that you are willing to let him share his pain with you. You are giving him further opportunity to discharge pent up and painful feelings. If the person is having thoughts of suicide,
find out how far along his ideation has progressed.
If the person is acutely suicidal, do not leave him alone.
If the means are present, try to get rid of them. Detoxify the home.
Urge professional help.
Persistence and patience may be needed to seek, engage and continue with as many options as possible. In any referral situation, let the person know you care and want to maintain contact.
No secrets.
It is the part of the person that is afraid of more pain that says Don't tell anyone. It is the part that wants to stay alive that tells you about it. Respond to that part of the person and persistently seek out a mature and compassionate person with whom you can review the situation. (You can get outside help and still protect the person
www.metanoia.org
What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal? (https://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm) Nine things that will help; plus a list of Suicide Warning Signs.
from pain causing breaches of privacy.) Do not try to go it alone. Get help for the person and for yourself. Distributing the anxieties and responsibilities of suicide prevention makes it easier and much more effective.
From crisis to recovery.
Most people have suicidal thoughts or feelings at some point in their lives; yet less than 2% of all deaths are suicides. Nearly all suicidal people suffer from conditions that will pass with time or with the assistance of a recovery program. There are hundreds of modest steps we can take to improve our response to the suicidal and to make it easier for them to seek help. Taking these modest steps can save many lives and reduce a great deal of human suffering.
WARNING SIGNS
Conditions associated with increased risk of suicide
Death or terminal illness of relative or friend.
Divorce, separation, broken relationship, stress on family. Loss of health (real or imaginary).
1:44:18 AM
Loss of job, home, money, status, selfesteem, personal security. Alcohol or drug abuse.
Depression. In the young depression may be masked by hyperactivity or acting out behavior. In the elderly it may be incorrectly attributed to the natural effects of aging. Depression that seems to quickly disappear for no apparent reason is cause for concern. The early stages of recovery from depression can be a high risk period. Recent studies have associated anxiety disorders with increased risk for attempted suicide.
Emotional and behavioral changes associated with suicide
Overwhelming Pain: pain that threatens to exceed the person's pain coping capacities. Suicidal feelings are often the result of longstanding problems that have been exacerbated by recent precipitating events. The precipitating factors may be new pain or the loss of pain coping resources.
Hopelessness: the feeling that the pain will continue or get worse; things will never get better.
Powerlessness: the feeling that one's resources for reducing pain are exhausted.
Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt, selfhatred, no one cares. Fears of losing control, harming self or others. Personality becomes sad, withdrawn, tired, apathetic, anxious, irritable, or prone to angry outbursts.
Declining performance in school, work, or other activities. (Occasionally the reverse: someone who volunteers for extra duties because they need to fill up their time.)
Social isolation; or association with a group that has different moral standards than those of the family.
Declining interest in sex, friends, or activities previously enjoyed. Neglect of personal welfare, deteriorating physical appearance. Alterations in either direction in sleeping or eating habits. (Particularly in the elderly) Selfstarvation, dietary mismanagement, disobeying medical instructions.
Difficult times: holidays, anniversaries, and the first week after discharge from a hospital; just before and after diagnosis of a major illness; just before and during disciplinary proceedings. Undocumented status adds to the stress of a crisis.
Suicidal Behavior
Previous suicide attempts, miniattempts.
Explicit statements of suicidal ideation or feelings.
Development of suicidal plan, acquiring the means, rehearsal behavior, setting a time for the attempt.
Selfinflicted injuries, such as cuts, burns, or head banging. Reckless behavior. (Besides suicide, other leading causes of death among young people in New York City are homicide, accidents, drug overdose, and AIDS.) Unexplained accidents among children and the elderly.
Making out a will or giving away favorite possessions. Inappropriately saying goodbye.
Verbal behavior that is ambiguous or indirect: I'm going away on a real long trip., You won't have to worry about me anymore., I want to go to sleep and never wake up., I'm so depressed, I just can't go on., Does God punish suicides?, Voices are telling me to do bad things., requests for euthanasia information, inappropriate joking, stories or essays on morbid themes.
Click here for more common signs of someone who may be suicidal.
A WARNING ABOUT WARNING SIGNS
The majority of the population at any one
time does not have many of the warning signs and has a lower suicide risk rate. But a lower rate in a larger population is still a lot of people and many completed suicides had only a few of the conditions listed above. In a one person to another person situation, all indications of suicidality need to be taken seriously.
Crisis intervention hotlines that accept calls from the suicidal, or anyone who wishes to discuss a problem, are (in New York City) The Samaritans at 2126733000 and Helpline at 2125322400.
Site Index:
Return to Suicide: Read This First
How serious is our condition?
Why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal? Recovery from grief and loss for suicidal persons
The stigma of suicide that keeps us from getting help
Online depression resources for suicidal persons
Handling a call from a suicidal person
Nine ways to help a suicidal person; and Suicide Warning Signs
This resource is hosted by mental health information at Psych Central.
gen
1:44:18 AM
2:08:23 AM
I hate Sa Pek
2:08:33 AM
I want to die.
I don't want to go into IMH. For my Whole Entire Life. Anymore.
Instructions:
1. Go back to Zion when I die.
2. Talk to Jia Min. She's my confidante.
3. Be available for the rest of the YFers to find information from you.
4. Sue IMH.
5. Come back home to stay IMMEDIATELY.
Elaine Tan
Why would you go in when no one will send you for no reason now ?
gen No
Elaine Tan
Unless you did sth
gen
If I get married, and I quarrel with my husband, I will get sent
I have a phobia
If I have kids, I quarrel with my kids, I will get sent I have a record
I have a record
I have a record.
If I get into trouble outside, I will get sent
Elaine Tan
If you truly trust Jesus in the plans He has for you, then whatever will be will be.
gen
If I get into trouble with the police again, I will get sent
If I go into IMH again, I cannot go to church I cannot do Bible Study
That will make my spiritual life go down
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And make me worse even though I really really believe in Jesus and want to stay alive.
Plus, the medicine is making me worst
Also, I want to die cos I don't want to be labelled as "mentally ill" for life
Elaine Tan
If you have the spiritual life in the first place, the faith i.e. The essence of faith means believing something that is unbelievable
gen
The worst part is, if I go into hospital, I cannot go to YF.
gen
The worst part is, if I go into hospital, I cannot go to YF.
I hate that.
YF is my life.
Elaine Tan
That In the grand scheme of things, Something good will happen, we don't know the full consequences yet why lose faith?
gen
If I have 0.0000001 percent of going into IMH, I rather not.
You should help me.
You should convince papa to STOP thinking I'm freaking mentally sick.
Because of IMH I want to die. Because of Sa Pek
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Elaine Tan
Why do you care about what others think ? When all you have to account to is God ?
gen
I cannot live in IMH.
How good an account would be from me that I am a prisoner and beggar for life in IMH?
To others?
It is not God's will for someone to become a prostitute because she got no money to earn for a living
It is not God's will for someone to get AIDS and live in the desert Africa and swarm with hunger
Elaine Tan
God creates all things good in its essence, but allows the consequences to happen
2:16:33 AM
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gen
It is not God's will for you to be tortured
God gave me free will.
Elaine Tan
gen
It is not God's will for someone to get AIDS and live in the des
Then how do you explain the occurrence of this ?
gen
I want to go to heaven
You explain YOURSELF WHY YOU NEVER VISIT ME WHILE I WAS SUFFERING IN HOSPITAL
Sometimes I think of me dying, I cry:( I don't want to die.
Elaine Tan
2:18:29 AM
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Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every creature of God is good (1 Tim 4:4), and God is the greatest good, therefore every being is good... No being can be spoken of as evil... as being, but only insofar as it lacks being. Thus a man is said to be evil because he lacks some virtue, and an eye is said to be evil because it lacks the power to see well.
Now, when St Thomas says that "no being can be spoken of as evil, formally as being, but only so far as it lacks being." Thus a man is said to be evil, the evil is not a thing, an entity, a being; it is a defect or lack or privation in a thing. The soul is good, the sin is not. God made the eye and its sight; God made the soul and its virtues, and its love (for "God is love"), but not the sins, vices, the lack of virtue, the lovelessness.
St Augustine said, "I sought for the cause of evil, but I sought in
an evil way." He was looking everywhere else but in the mirror (human being himself). Evil is in our sins, which come from us, not in our being, which comes from God. We love to blame matter, or our bodies, or others, or "society", or our parents, or chance, or evolution, or genetics, or our ancestors, or the Devil, or even God, for the evil in our lives. But God is allgood, so we can't blame God; and all that God made is good, so we can't blame any of that. God made even the Devil good in the beginning; the Devil corrupted himself by his own rebellion. The devil can only tempt us, not force us. So we are left with nothing to blame but ourselves.
We are created good, but we do not remain good. We have free will and have to bear the consequences. God as a being does not create evil, but God lets nature be, and only allows evil to give something good in the grand scheme of things.
Here's a story as an analogy:
"There is a Chinese story of a farmer who used an old horse to till his fields. One day, the horse escaped into the hills and when the farmer's neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?" A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, "Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?"
Then, when the farmer's son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every ablebodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg, they let him off. Now was that good luck or bad luck?
Who knows?
Everything that seems on the surface to be an evil may be a good in disguise. And everything that seems good on the surface may really be an evil. So we are wise when we leave it to God to decide what is good fortune and what misfortune, and thank him that all things turn out for good with those who love him."
gen
The times when I slept alone in the hospital, I cried to sleep
Elaine Tan
gen
You explain YOURSELF WHY YOU NEVER VISIT ME WHILE I W...
2:20:07 AM
2:20:17 AM
I am sorry, I know it's wrong
gen
And I want to kill myself right there and then
Elaine Tan
Elaine Tan
I am sorry, I know it's wrong
And that's what I learnt recently in the Church
gen Ok.
I already forgive you
Elaine Tan
I cannot defend myself in anyway, for the Bible did clearly say that.
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gen
Video 1.1 MB Download () ()
0:11
Play video
Elaine Tan
But there no saints without a past, no sinners without a future
Why look at the past?
gen Nvm
For the future. I am scared
Go be someone who can help IMH Be an advocate
I am saving myself if I die
Who can save me?
I am penniless.
Nvm.
Have a break.
Go rest.
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Elaine Tan
““You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Matthew 5:3848 NIV http://bible.com/111/mat.5.3848.niv (http://bible.com/111/mat.5.3848.niv)
Bible Matthew
5:3848,
New
International Version (NIV) (http://bible.com/111/mat.5.3848.niv)
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn...
gen
You must give me a chance. To sit down and talk to you. When are you free.
To tell you my story
Elaine Tan
If anyone has sinned against you be it Sa Pek or what. What has Christ commanded you to do?
2:23:01 AM
(http://bible.com/111/mat.5.3848.niv)
gen
gen
Listen to this
2:23:22 AM
2:23:34 AM 2:23:37 AM
2:24:04 AM
2:24:09 AM
2:24:13 AM
gen 2/22/17
New Recordi... 5.2 MB Download Play
Elaine Tan
Be like Christ he was thrown with stones but yet did not resist
gen
gen Audio
This is my story I talked to Pastor Jon
Elaine Tan
If anyone has sinned against you be it Sa Pek or what. What ...
I know. I have stayed so long in the hospital and missing out on Bible Study and church make me backslide
Elaine Tan
Learn to love even the person you hate most
Learn to forgive people
gen
Yes. I forgive Sa Pek. But, I Just Don't want to go into IMH Again.
I scared.
The hospital bully people
Elaine Tan
Then why you raise lawsuit against ppl?
gen
whatnursesdoinIMHgen.blogspot.com (http://whatnursesdoinIMHgen.blogspot.com)
It is a Personal Protection Order. Not a lawsuit.
Elaine Tan
So? Why continue to bear grudges ?
gen
You know how papa is like
No grudges.
Elaine Tan
You have to be the change you want to see
gen
I want to shout at them that it's so frustrating to be continuously sent into IMH of all places. I want to shout at them in court.
Iwantedtosendastrongmessage.OfallthesufferingsI'vebeen through in IMH, I need something strong to send them a strong message.
Elaine Tan
Be like Christ he was thrown with stones but yet did not resist
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I want to be like that. But staying in the hospital for prolonged periods of time makes my spirituality grow dry. And I have no strength apart from Christ.
Elaine Tan
If you truly trust Christ in that in His time, He will place judgement on others, why take justice to your own hands ?
gen
Because I backslide
Elaine Tan
gen
I want to be like that. But staying in the hospital for prolonge
Then? Arent you in church now?
gen Yes
I feel so much better now
But I am afraid of going back to IMH again.
Ever again in my future life.
I am scared.
Can you be sure that I will NEVER. EVER. go back into IMH again??
Elaine Tan
You have to learn whatever it is, if you have faith. If you continue with living and hold steadfast to the belief that everything will be okay. Why bother about worry?
Will worrying add a day to your life ?
gen
That's number 1
Number 2. If I have a home?
Many people are well in IMH, but they CANNOT get out of the hospital Because they have No Place to stay.
Their family member don't want them. So they stay in hospital for 50, 60 years. I am not going to be like them.
Elaine Tan
You worry too much
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“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Matthew 6:34 NIV http://bible.com/111/mat.6.34.niv (http://bible.com/111/mat.6.34.niv)
Bible Matthew
6:34, New
International
Version
(NIV) (http://bible.com/111/mat.6.34.niv) Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
gen
You already hate me for staying at home.
What if things happen again? I will get sent to IMH. Surely. I want to die. Be euthanised.
Elaine Tan
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
gen
You are family. You know best.
Elaine Tan
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all the
Yes. I don't worry. I live flagrant from life to life now. I don't worry about money.
I. Am. Not. Worrying.
I. Am. Being Strategic In Dying
It's better for me to die earlier. Before mama and papa grow older and cannot take the emotional hit from my death.
Elaine Tan
gen
You already hate me for staying at home.
Why? It's just annoying, some of your habits. But I've learnt that if it means to love someone, it means to selfsacrifice
gen gen
2:31:06 AM
(http://bible.com/111/mat.6.34.niv)
2:31:14 AM
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2:33:28 AM
It's better for me to die earlier. Before mama and papa grow ... That's one
Elaine Tan
Why? It's just annoying, some of your habits. But I've learnt th
Yes. Good that you know that
Also, PLEASE REMEMBER that the MEDICINE IS causing suicidal tendencies in me.
Elaine Tan
But if you love us too, will you?
gen
Go google Paliperidone
Elaine Tan
But if you love us too, will you?
I feel cold
Elaine Tan
But if you love us too, will you?
I coldened my heart
gen
I coldened my heart
I still have abit of love. But the enstrangement between us has made me give up.
2:33:40 AM
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You must sit down and talk to me. When are you free? I hate Sa Pek.
He is completely unaware of my feelings.
I've lost everything.:(
Plus, the injection and ECT, it's making me die.
ElectroConvulsive Therapy.
I am scared of being put to IMH and being forced to have Electro Convulsive Therapy again and I will lose myself. Lose All my
memories and myself.
It all started in 2007 YF camp when they locked me out of the handicap toilet.
And then I started the filth on internet and then abit of Papa, I backslided
Anyway. All these Tan family thing, that is reason why I want to go to Malaysia. You should go to the Ma family. The Tan family is inadequate.
The Ma family is so much more sane. Friendly. Proper. Forgiving. And they need the gospel too.
Reach out to them.
Sometimes when bad things happen to me, I will have a rush and I will think "I should have died earlier" And feel death is such a long way. And, as death comes nearer to me now, I feel so much better and happier that death is coming soon. :'|
Bad things like:
1. Having no money and my home cannot help me
2. When Papa shouts at me
3. When there seem to be no way out at home,
I am not a heartless person. I still cry whenever I think I have gone down into such a level where I had to suicide.
Elaine Tan
You have to learn whatever it is, if you have faith. If you co
Somehow or another things will happen in this house again.
Unless I can be SURE. But I can't be Sure.
I know Papa is flailing now.
But I used to think there can be no solution unless Papa and Sa Pek die.
2:44:51 AM
2:46:11 AM
2:47:10 AM
2:50:06 AM
But now, there also might not be any solution because now
EVerybody knows I'm from freaking IMH and ANybody can send me to IMH too. Including u.
gen 3:05:15 AM Instructions:
1. Go back to Zion when I die.
2. Talk to Jia Min. She's my confidante.
3. Be available for the rest of the YFers to find information from you.
4. Sue IMH.
5. Come back home to stay IMMEDIATELY.
6. GET BACK ALL MY STUFF from Bukit Gombak Group Home. 6.1 The stand fan is mine. The wooden small cupboard is mine. The two mattress are mine. Get them back because it can add material wealth to the family.
All sentimental stuff in that my room. Important things like bras and underwears which you can reuse or extra clothes and alot of other useful stuff.
** Pictures.
Me and Jessica picture,
The letters YFers wrote to me,
all sentimental value, Please keep it for my sake.
7. I really don't want to be alive.
7.1 In the attempt I might still be alive after jumping down, I am
a vegetable, OR, I am going to BE sent into IMH again, PLEASE. KILL. ME. I want to be euthanised than to live again OR be staying in IMH forever ok.
7.2 I have signed the AMD form in 2014. The Advanced Medical Directive that if I Am Brain Dead, but I'm still alive, Pull the Plug.
I cannot.
50 years down the road if mama and papa died already and I can't take care of myself, and I am in IMH, who is going to save me?
8. Continue to live on. Do Not follow Catholic. And try to change IMH.
9. Lastly, trust in God. Jesus loves you. Love Jesus.
I love Jesus. He also first loved me.
I dunno. My brain is warped. the meds..
I cannot enter into heaven by my own works.
It is COMPLETELY by the Unmerited Grace of God and what Jesus
have done to enter me into heaven.
Murdering myself is a sin. There is no big sin or small sin, there is no 10 days dead or 100 days dead. We are All Dead.
Thinking of murdering someone is already committing murder.
In 2012 when I was in the hospital, I felt murderous. I slept on my bed and I thought of killing mama and papa. And the thought I shifted I think I should kill myself.
Help.
But no thanks. gen via @gif
3:07:32 AM
gen
GIF
3:10:48 AM
3:11:20 AM
BecausewhatIfeelinmyheartisdifferentfromwhatIfeelinmy 3:20:56AM head. Because my heart is already rhythm is changed. And it is
pumping crazily fast. And the blood kept pumping into my brain
and it kept pushing down on my vein that causes what I think to
be unbearable. The brain kept telling me or sometimes keep telling me: Quickly go and die go and die quickly.
They don't understand I don't have a mental illness and whatever hospital just makes me feel worse. All I need is just to be myself. All I need is God. They don't understand I hate being labelled as a mentally ill patient and being forced medicine and thinking I am actually having a diagnosis when in actual fact I am just a simple normal person just like everybody else.
My heart is out for Jesus and I truly believe he brings healing. But
my myocardium continues to betray me. While I am thinking of Jesus and His goodness, my physical heart is working strangely that causes me to think of thoughts which me, as a Christian self would not resort to thinking.
Think about it, why in the world would me, Genevieve, who thinks that suicide is utterly stupid would Resort to suicide?
I don't want to!...
When I was on the drugs, unexplanably, my eyes would at many times uncontrollably, suddenly roll up into my head.
Side effect:
Psychiatric
Common (1% to 10%): depression, suicidal ideation
Paliperidone can cause changes in the heart rhythm, such as a condition called QT prolongation. It may change the way your heart beats and cause fainting or serious side effects. Symptoms of heart rhythm problems, such as fast, pounding, or irregular heartbeats.
For diabetic patients: Paliperidone may affect your blood sugar levels. Increased thirst or increased urination.
Dizziness, lightheadedness, or fainting may occur, especially when you get up from a lying or sitting position suddenly.
Paliperidone injection may also cause some people to have suicidal thoughts and tendencies or to become more depressed.
Paliperidone may increase your weight.
Suic:
And I'm afraid of going back into that hospital to have abuses and sarcasm by the nurses with illtreatment.
Plus, they think they should cure people with their "meds" but their meds make me worse.
DO NOT ask me to change my medicine. Paliperidone is the BEST medication already. Because I've tried billions of medicine and the rest make me cannot even function. My eyes will stuck to my head and I cannot even THINK.
This is the best medication already.
I would STILL want to be on it if I ever still be alive.
Because I know somehow they will force medicine on me again. I cannot take ANY other medications.
I don't want to take pills. If you want to force me, just poke me once a month.
How shitty I sound.
I am afraid of living somemore because currently, my heart is failing. If I live somemore and I get old age and my heart got problem, by that time I want to die I cannot die already. I don't want to be old and crippled and unmoveable and suffering inside. I've suffered kinda enough.
My heart is pumping very fast even now.
I've experienced worst. Especially when bathing. The eye rolling.
I live a nomad gypsy life. I don't like it. Drifting from one place to another. I have to end this.
Elaine Tan
You have to be the change you want to see
I have been an avid advocate. Meeting M Ravi, posting online, writing to TheRealSingapore and Temasek Review Emeritus and writing to The Straits Times, reaching out to the mentally ill, being friends with them, explored every inch of IMH, tried to evangelise to them, but as the medicine dawn and aged on me, I ... can't.
Plus, the rejection and facial expression from people, I don't know where to Not be embarassed.
I hold my future. What an irony. God holds my future but God gave me freewill.
What a walking contradiction. I can only achieve perfection through Bible Study.
I am so far away from the Word.
I need to realise I am not alone. I need to realise others may experience suicidalness too. I am so selfabsorbed. I need more knowledge.
I always think I'm alone.
But I do what deems fit.
http://www.whatnursesdoinIMHgen.blogspot.com (http://www.whatnursesdoinIMHgen.blogspot.com)
3:23:12 AM
3:26:38 AM
3:33:52 AM
3:38:20 AM
Tell me if anyone has felt suicidal before too. If there are, I cannot think I am the only one.
Ultimately only Bible Study can reset my mind. I love the Word.
I need the Word.
I love the Word
I need the Word
But I refuse to let the power change me.
Hardened heart: I think I'm not letting the power change me. Ultimately God will wipe every tear from our eyes at the end of Revelation.
I still believe God has an ultimate good out of everthing. Yes, good for my situation.
But, how do we battle against the pumping heart and brain damage?
I want to do Bible Study. I need to do Bible Study.
I cannot guarantee I will not suicide again but the desire.. I want the Word. I need.
Elaine Tan
God creates all things good in its essence, but allows the conse
Yes. The consequences of our sin happened but He also provided for us Jesus so that we can be washed of our sins and have life and life more abundantly. Jesus gave back so much more that the first Adam has lost.
Elaine Tan
Then how do you explain the occurrence of this ?
Because human has bowed down to an outlaw spirit. Satan. This earth is fallen and because when God created us, He created us with glory and honor. But we chose to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and not trust God and we bowed down and listened to Satan and given our rights to him. Because Satan rule the earth, our earth is not perfect. It groans and aches and there are earthquakes and natural disasters.
But if God were to COMPLETELY rule the earth, there will be no sickness, no death, there will be no tears, everything will be perfect.
But we chose to take things to our own hands instead of submitting to God. All of us.
So God said "Ok, fine, you want, I let go, you see what happens"
3:42:31 AM
3:45:04 AM
3:54:47 AM
But the answer is Jesus!
God provided a way out that though we choosing the wrong fruit, now we can ALSO CHOOSE to believe in Jesus
Which saves us from everything, makes us more compassionate, and want to reach out to the kids in Africa and provide water for them, and feed them nice food, makes us want to bring the prostitute to church. (also the example of the prostitute washing Jesus' feet with her hair)
But even if these things were to happen, bad things, you know God don't want these, it is not God's will to torture you on earth.
Yes, discipline, etc. But I really don't think I should be tortured that terribly in IMH. Really.
I do believe God will give revenge, but “We know that the law is spiritual,
but I am not.
I am so human.
Sin rules me as if I were its slave.
I don’t understand why I act the way I do.
I don’t do the good I want to do, and I do the evil I hate.
And if I don’t want to do what I do, that means I agree that the law is good.
But I am not really the one doing the evil.
It is sin living in me that does it.
Yes, I know that nothing good lives in me—I mean nothing good lives in the part of me that is not spiritual.
I want to do what is good, but I don’t do it.
I don’t do the good that I want to do.
I do the evil that I don’t want to do.
So if I do what I don’t want to do, then I am not really the one doing it.
It is the sin living in me that does it. So I have learned this rule: When I want to do good, evil is there with me.
3:55:27 AM 3:58:44 AM
In my mind I am happy with God’s law.
But I see another law working in my body.
That law makes war against the law that my mind accepts.
That other law working in my body is the law of sin, and that law makes me its prisoner.
What a miserable person I am! Who will save me from this body that brings me death?
I thank God for his salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:1425 ERV
http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv (http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
Bible Romans
7:1425,
Holy
Bible:
EasytoRead Version (ERV) (http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
We know that the law is spiritual, but I am not. I am so human. Sin rules me as if I were its slave. I don’t understand why I act the way I do. I don’t do the good I...
Elaine Tan
If you truly trust Jesus in the plans He has for you, then whate
Jesus taught us to be as innocent as dove and as Shrewd as snakes.
I cannot be Que Sera Sera. I cannot let things slide.
Perhaps you also don't know the nurses in IMH they really press you and squeeze you and hurt you emotionally and physically that you just want to send a strong message.
They are sarcastic, lack of love, out on their jobs for simply money. They affect me with their presence everyday. They walk around, I witness scotchtaping a patient's mouth by a nurse in front of me. A nurse punch and kick a patient till he had fractured rips and had to be jailed 1 year.
How?
It's like Pure Torture. Every single day. Do I want this? Whatever will be will be? No. I can also send an extremely strong message that Hey, You fking IMH, you caused my sister's death because of
(http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
4:08:31 AM
your UNPROfessional treatment there. I may ripple the IMH and FORCE them.
You have to go back to Zion to tell them all these things.
Elaine Tan
You have to learn whatever it is, if you have faith. If you co
I have faith. But not blind faith. http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/newsandviews/opinion/no everythingdoesntworkoutforareason20170221gui2wh.html (http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/newsandviews/opinion/no everythingdoesntworkoutforareason20170221gui2wh.html)
Everything will be okay. Sometimes it gets very dark when I am thick on the injection and medicine. I hope you get it/maybe understand a little.
(http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/newsand
views/opinion/noeverythingdoesntworkoutforareason 20170221gui2wh.html)
The Sydney Morning Herald
It is nonsense to tell people that their suffering is
happening for a reason (http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/newsand views/opinion/noeverythingdoesntworkoutfora reason20170221gui2wh.html)
We need to stop thinking that 'looking on the bright side' is the only way to cope with tragedy and misfortune in life.
Elaine Tan
If anyone has sinned against you be it Sa Pek or what. What ...
Honestly I should let him slap me on the left cheek. But I am stubborn. Now. I've changed.
I want to share everything with you. Things that I discover. We should talk. The wall.
Satan is attacking our family.
He knows I am good at memorising verses and he is attacking my brain with the ECT and medicine.
He lose. Because I have Jesus. It is my heart.
Elaine Tan
You have to learn whatever it is, if you have faith. If you co
I think God gave us a brain, to think and to strategize. And really, I think I am like that
4:09:23 AM 4:13:15 AM
4:14:12 AM
4:16:57 AM
4:18:59 AM
A stark reminder for myself:
“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without selfcontrol, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power..”
2 Timothy 3:15 NIV
I guess everything happened for a reason.
Elaine Tan
You have to learn whatever it is, if you have faith. If you co
I can't do it alone. I need support.
Elaine Tan
If you truly trust Christ in that in His time, He will place j
Actually it's not justice. I just don't want Sa Pek to flagrantly treat me and send me to IMH. I have to teach him in an extremely unpleasant way. I don't want justice. But I want to transfer my full feelings to him. Because He Doesn't know perhaps how terrible IMH is and it's useless talking to him.
I hate his attitude and his controlling.
Ever since I went to court, he COMPLETELY stopped all his nonsense towards me because I made him cry in front of the judge in Trial.
I drilled him in question like "Why do you ask my sister to block all the numbers when the hospital wanted to discharge me"
I should go to court BUT. I am using the court as a means to transfer my feelings to him and if not these are too much for me to bear and I'd kill myself.
I should not* go to court BUT. it's my fight response to my dying thoughts
because I can
Firstly: Make sure I don't have to go to IMH anymore. If I have the PPO against him.
That solves solution number 1
And if I have the DEO, number 2, I will be assured I have a home because of the Domestic Exclusion Order on the house with part of the house my room to be my ownership. If anything happens,
4:19:40 AM 4:20:27 AM
4:22:50 AM
4:23:44 AM
4:25:12 AM
4:30:08 AM
I can still be assured I can come back to my home.
I was trying not to die to solve this two problems. I was trying. To find a way out from suicide which seems the only way.
I was trying.
Things might happen again. I cannot. No IMH.
Elaine Tan
Will worrying add a day to your life ?
I don't worry at all. I love that Word. It's just that I need security. I need a permanent home to start working properly (who the shit knows Im going to be sent into IMH for another few months you think my boss will understand?)
I need to Stop entering into IMH. Staying there Does Not make me better. I lose out to the world. I have no handphone, no communication to the world, how is that helping me? I waste my time away, one month I can earn $2000 6 months will be $12 000. How much I have wasted.
Therefore Sa Pek has effectively Ruined my life by forcing the doctors wanting to keep me for 1 year.
Now everybody thinks I have some psycho stuff in me cos I'm there but they don't understand I have a special uncle.
IMH DOES. NOT. help me at all. In fact it just wastes time and ruins people.
And then I have to psycho myself to think Hey I maybe really got an illness and give in.
But really, You, Elaine, keep quoting Bible, Jesus see people as not sick. Doctors don't have the final say. Only Jesus does. So stop.
And, I give up. I cannot.
I'm psychoing myself maybe I have illness but they don't understand the nurses abused me in the hospital. And after staying there I Really got illness.
It's very hard for people to believe that.
And it also started from my faith. How I strayed and everything. This serves as a warning to all not to. ..
4:40:30 AM
4:48:06 AM
The papa thing too
Pray. Continually pray. We're all in this together. You r my sister.
It's hard for me to live with the people and everyone thinks I have a mental illness because I've been to IMH before. But they don't know it's deeper than that. I'm not going to live with the humiliation and the unexplainess and the forever misunderstood
Meet today.
Elaine Tan
If anyone has sinned against you be it Sa Pek or what. What ...
We need support.
Three strands is hard to break. Bible.
Two is better than one, if one falls down, the other can save him. Ecclesiastes 4:11
Elaine Tan
Why do you care about what others think ? When all you have ...
Why do I care what people think? If papa keeps thinking I'm freaking mentally sick, he will do stuff that would not give myself a good account to God abuse my body with medicine. I want to be accountable for the health of my heart.
My body is being raped of the injection. My body is full of drugs.
Force me medicine in my mouth.
All in all, IMH has ruined my life.
“...The day someone dies is better than the day they were born. It is better to go to a funeral than to a party,
4:51:27 AM
4:53:52 AM 4:56:11 AM
5:09:18 AM
5:09:52 AM
5:11:45 AM 5:13:05 AM
5:15:40 AM
because everyone must die,
and the living need to remember this.
Sorrow is even better than laughter,
because when our face is sad,
our heart becomes good.
A wise person thinks about death, but a fool thinks only about having a good time.”
Ecclesiastes 7:14 ERV
http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv (http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.1 4.erv)
Bible
Ecclesiastes
7:14, Holy
Bible: Easy
toRead
Version (ERV) (http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv)
A good reputation is better than expensive pleasures. The day someone dies is better than the day they were born. It is better to go to a funeral than to a party,...
gen
Elaine Tan
And that's what I learnt recently in the Church
You don't have to go to that Church to learn that that is wrong. Which church are you attending?
Bible never say not visiting people in IMH is wrong. But the Holy Spirit in you will prompt you and the spirit in me will make me want to explain to you so you know it's wrong.
I see you are using the Catholic as 'healing' to you.
I am sorry for being perfect older sist. I'm sorry for not being perfect
“Here is a true statement that should be accepted without question:
Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, and I am the worst of them.”
(http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv)
5:40:51 AM
5:41:25 AM 5:45:55 AM
1 Timothy 1:15 ERV
http://bible.com/406/1ti.1.15.erv (http://bible.com/406/1ti.1.15.erv)
Bible
1 Timothy
1:15, Holy
Bible: Easy
toRead
Version (ERV) (http://bible.com/406/1ti.1.15.erv) Here is a true statement that should be accepted without question: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, and I am the worst of them.
gen
HP password is geegeegee and all passwords are the old password but first letter capital and plus 1!*55 or 56 or 53 or 52. with some the old pw
DO NOT give my phone to ANYONE except for yourself. ESP for SKP.
Top up my hp every 2 months to keep 91233615 and 83350564 alive in case anyone still calls me to ask where I am.
Can just go to any 7 Eleven store and type in the number they will top up.
Don't let it expire.
All my assets I give you.
Take and use all my things. Use my room.
I think accountancy has caused you to become a Catholic. Go study something human.
I think you should move home soon. And I should die and make way soon. So that you can reintegrate your life and come back to church. Your home church.
gen
Telegram Web.pdf () 187 KB Download ()
Elaine Tan
gen
Because human has bowed down to an outlaw spirit. Satan. T...
(http://bible.com/406/1ti.1.15.erv)
6:10:39 AM
6:17:19 AM
6:19:38 AM
7:00:04 AM
9:49:48 AM
You can check this with any Christian, even in our church
gen
We listened to the serpent
Elaine Tan
Yes, but are you saying God is not sovereign over all things?
gen
Yes. But he allowed Satan
Elaine Tan
That if he is Omni scient and Omni potent and Omni benevolent, why is there evil?
Can you answer this?
gen
If He were to be TOTALLY, it would be perfect.
But He can't because he needs to give us free will.
Evil needs to exist so that we can choose.
If there is only ONE choice, then there is No choice at all.
Elaine Tan
gen
If He were to be TOTALLY, it would be perfect. But He can't bec
Then are you saying God is not all powerful?
gen
So if we can choose between evil or good/love, and then we choose love, than that would be genuine love.
So that he didn't create us robots That would not be right of Him.
Elaine Tan
Then are you saying God is not all powerful?
He Can be all powerful. But He restrict himself
Elaine Tan
Yes! That's why God allowed the consequences of sins!
gen
He can just plonk down from the Universe. But He cramped himself into .. a.. tiny .. woman's... womb.
9:50:39 AM
9:50:55 AM
9:51:15 AM
9:51:29 AM
9:51:34 AM 9:51:44 AM
9:52:03 AM 9:52:17 AM 9:52:53 AM
9:53:01 AM
9:53:19 AM 9:53:27 AM 9:53:43 AM
9:53:53 AM
9:54:10 AM
God can do anything. He can even restrict himself.
9:54:23 AM
Elaine Tan
All we are to blame is not God or Satan BUT ourselves for the consequences
gen
Elaine Tan
Yes! That's why God allowed the consequences of sins!
Yes. But He also allowed Jesus!
Elaine Tan
All we are to blame is not God or Satan BUT ourselves for the...
Our sin.
“We know that the law is spiritual,
but I am not.
I am so human.
Sin rules me as if I were its slave.
I don’t understand why I act the way I do.
I don’t do the good I want to do, and I do the evil I hate.
And if I don’t want to do what I do, that means I agree that the law is good.
But I am not really the one doing the evil.
It is sin living in me that does it.
Yes, I know that nothing good lives in me—I mean nothing good lives in the part of me that is not spiritual.
I want to do what is good, but I don’t do it.
I don’t do the good that I want to do.
I do the evil that I don’t want to do.
So if I do what I don’t want to do, then I am not really the one doing it.
It is the sin living in me that does it. So I have learned this rule: When I want to do good, evil is there with me.
In my mind I am happy with God’s law.
But I see another law working in my body.
9:54:31 AM
9:54:34 AM
9:54:52 AM
9:55:31 AM
That law makes war against the law that my mind accepts.
That other law working in my body is the law of sin, and that law makes me its prisoner.
What a miserable person I am! Who will save me from this body that brings me death?
I thank God for his salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:1425 ERV
http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv (http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
Bible Romans
7:1425,
Holy
Bible:
EasytoRead Version (ERV) (http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
We know that the law is spiritual, but I am not. I am so human. Sin rules me as if I were its slave. I don’t understand why I act the way I do. I don’t do the good I...
Elaine Tan
gen
Yes. But He also allowed Jesus!
Yes, but how you explain that Jesus has no sovereignty over the occurrence of AIDS and famine is wrong
gen
I never blame God ok. Or I also never blame Satan ok. I say I am weak.
Elaine Tan
Yes, but how you explain that Jesus has no sovereignty over the
No. Jesus healed the leprosy guy.
Elaine Tan
Yes, but how you explain that Jesus has no sovereignty over the
People are healed of AIDS now too. By prayed over in Jesus' name
Elaine Tan
Yes but what about those who are not?
gen
Actually nothing is too difficult for me. It is just that I am afraid of going back into IMH again. That's all. Ok.
(http://bible.com/406/rom.7.1425.erv)
9:55:58 AM
9:56:06 AM
9:56:29 AM
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9:57:06 AM
9:57:15 AM
The confinement.. No handphone.. The abuses
The nurses
The food
The seperation
No marriage
Can't go out
Can't have boyfriend Can't be pregnant
Elaine Tan
Elaine Tan
Yes but what about those who are not?
Are you saying that God is not sovereign over this?
gen
I'm going crazy.
Elaine Tan
Yes but what about those who are not?
Not, then we can do something about it. See the AIDS rate, inject the vaccine. God created science.
Elaine Tan
gen
Not, then we can do something about it. See the AIDS rate, inje
Yes, but how about Famine, tornado, floods, typhoons?
gen
Elaine Tan
Are you saying that God is not sovereign over this?
God is Jesus. So, if you want to see what God's heart is, look at What Would Jesus Do.
Elaine Tan
And those unreached areas
Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every creature of God is good (1 Tim 4:4), and God is the greatest good, therefore every being is good... No being can be spoken of as evil... as being, but only insofar as it lacks being. Thus a man is said to be evil because he lacks some virtue, and an eye is said to be evil because it lacks the power to see well.
9:57:21 AM 9:57:25 AM 9:57:28 AM 9:57:32 AM 9:57:36 AM 9:57:45 AM 9:57:49 AM 9:57:53 AM 9:57:58 AM 9:58:01 AM 9:58:06 AM
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10:00:33 AM
Now, when St Thomas says that "no being can be spoken of as evil, formally as being, but only so far as it lacks being." Thus a man is said to be evil, the evil is not a thing, an entity, a being; it is a defect or lack or privation in a thing. The soul is good, the sin is not. God made the eye and its sight; God made the soul and its virtues, and its love (for "God is love"), but not the sins, vices, the lack of virtue, the lovelessness.
St Augustine said, "I sought for the cause of evil, but I sought in an evil way." He was looking everywhere else but in the mirror (human being himself). Evil is in our sins, which come from us, not in our being, which comes from God. We love to blame matter, or our bodies, or others, or "society", or our parents, or chance, or evolution, or genetics, or our ancestors, or the Devil, or even God, for the evil in our lives. But God is allgood, so we can't blame God; and all that God made is good, so we can't blame any of that. God made even the Devil good in the beginning; the Devil corrupted himself by his own rebellion. The devil can only tempt us, not force us. So we are left with nothing to blame but ourselves.
We are created good, but we do not remain good. We have free will and have to bear the consequences. God as a being does not create evil, but God lets nature be, and only allows evil to give something good in the grand scheme of things.
Here's a story as an analogy:
"There is a Chinese story of a farmer who used an old horse to till his fields. One day, the horse escaped into the hills and when the farmer's neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?" A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, "Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?"
Then, when the farmer's son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every ablebodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg, they let him off. Now was that good luck or bad luck?
Who knows?
Everything that seems on the surface to be an evil may be a good in disguise. And everything that seems good on the surface
may really be an evil. So we are wise when we leave it to God to decide what is good fortune and what misfortune, and thank him that all things turn out for good with those who love him."
gen
Elaine Tan
Yes, but how about Famine, tornado, floods, typhoons?
We were crowned with glory and honor (got Bible verse). But it poofed when we bowed down to an outlaw spirit Satan.
We were supposed to be ...
We handed our authority to Satan.
Elaine Tan
Elaine Tan
Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every cre...
Can you read this then talk?
gen
Elaine Tan
Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every cre...
Talk in simple english. Thanks.
Elaine Tan
Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every cre...
Dun archaic can.
Elaine Tan
Every being that is not God, is God's creature. Now every cre...
ERV.
Now, the earth is not in full control of God. Because God made it that way.
To allow everything to work nicely. If there is evil, there is no choice. If there is no choice, there is no Jesus. And then we will All be Robots. Then what's the point?
Elaine Tan
That's not the point. I already say we have free will right. But you are saying the devil is to be blame. But the devil cannot force us, only tempt us. So We only have ourselves to blame
gen
gen
Because God made it that way.
Because God restricts himself and stand at the side and let the music play. The orchestra.
10:00:45 AM
10:01:01 AM
10:01:12 AM
10:01:27 AM
10:01:30 AM
10:01:39 AM 10:02:12 AM 10:02:40 AM
10:04:36 AM
10:06:58 AM
Because Revelation says in the end, Satan will be thrown into the pit and chained up for 1000 years and etc and then in the end there will be a New Heaven and New Earth.
In the beginning God created the Heavens and Earth. And then got story.
And then In the end, got good ending.
And then, proves that He's sovereign.
And then can enjoy love and everything from simple things in life. Like mama dancing on the bed.
This is human story.
Suicide, Love, etc. Drama. and Jesus. is love.
And Paliperidone. And weird kinds of shit. To teach us a lesson. :
Never send your childs to IMH ever.
That For God has not given us a Spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a SOUND MIND.
And I am weak. If I'm pushed further, I can die.
That shows that We can NEVER earn our way to heaven. Filthy rags.
10:07:01 AM
10:07:10 AM 10:07:16 AM 10:07:56 AM
10:10:12 AM
And it is Sola Christ. Sola Christo.
I am the vine you are the branches apart from me Nothing.
I can do
Go IMH I cannot go church. If liddat, I rather die faster.
Elaine Tan
That's not the point. I already say we have free will right. But
I never blame the devil. The devil cannot possess me (like catholic movies) but he can oppress our family.
I have to blame myself if I hardened myself and not let Jesus heal and everything.
Because Jesus will definitely win. But I don't let him. I'm such a wretched shit.
Because I think I'm the last days person. 1 Timothy in the last days....
gen
I am the vine you are the branches apart from me I can do N...
If I cannot have the receive, I will die not a physical death in IMH. But a worms death of my spirit man, it breaks my spirit man, my inner man. I rather remove this torture and kill myself.
The lack of fellowship and worship and Bible Study in IMH. It will Kill me. I rather kill myself. Before I do something violent.
Like killing my parents.
Or throwing my kids down the 8th floor. I rather die.
“...The day someone dies is better than the day they were born. It is better to go to a funeral than to a party,
because everyone must die,
and the living need to remember this.
Sorrow is even better than laughter,
because when our face is sad,
our heart becomes good.
A wise person thinks about death, but a fool thinks only about having a good time.”
Ecclesiastes 7:14 ERV
http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv (http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv)
Bible
(http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv)
Ecclesiastes 7:14, Holy Bible: EasytoRead Version (ERV) (http://bible.com/406/ecc.7.14.erv)
A good reputation is better than expensive pleasures. The day someone dies is better than the day they were born. It is better to go to a funeral than to a party,...
10:12:08 AM
10:12:45 AM
10:12:55 AM 10:13:22 AM
10:13:38 AM
You need to be real. Stop being on a fake front and just say
Jie,
10:15:20 AM
I love you. I don't want you to die.
Catholic is fake front. Be real.
Elaine Tan LOL
Up to you
gen
I got no time for pretense
Elaine Tan Bye
That's all.
Elaine Tan left group And I'm serious on dying
10:15:38 AM 10:15:52 AM
10:15:58 AM 10:15:59 AM
10:16:03 AM
10:16:08 AM
gen
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
conv 1
me n elaine persnnl.pdf

Don't you see that our uncle is the cause of everything? The Extreme way he do things? This is too much. I was only a tender age of 19. This is NOT the way you should treat a child. BY SENDING THEM into IMH. How is it? That I am better? When I am perfectly fine, happy personality became suicidal. This is Something Wrong. The way he behaves, the way he controls me, these kinds of methods he use against me. These are All wrong. It is the Love of God that leads us to repentance. Jesus loved us so much that we will change because the love changes us. Sa Pek's way is too extreme. Maybe used on drug users or murderers. But not on an innocent 19 year old who just wants to rebel. These new videos are all the times I cried. For these whole period of 24 hours. The worst part is No one can understand the abuse I went through in hospital. They just dump a patient there and leave. Sometimes I just want to shut up and just jump. Don't need to explain anything. To these ignorant fools who don't understand the trauma we've been through.
To your own sister who hasn't stood by you for so long. When someone has tried, till her breaking point. She remains calm. Knowing she has found the solution. The only solution. She does it silently. It seems the only way out. She has decided on suicide. When nobody listens. Who cares about counsellors or psychiatrists? When all I need is someone like a sister to talk to. When she knows everything. 12:49:46 PM 12:50:08 PM 12:54:09 PM 12:56:11 PM
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Don't you see that our uncle is the cause of everything? The Extreme way he do things? This is too much. I was only a tender age of 19. This is NOT the way you should treat a child. BY SENDING THEM into IMH. How is it? That I am better? When I am perfectly fine, happy personality became suicidal. This is Something Wrong. The way he behaves, the way he controls me, these kinds of methods he use against me. These are All wrong. It is the Love of God that leads us to repentance. Jesus loved us so much that we will change because the love changes us. Sa Pek's way is too extreme. Maybe used on drug users or murderers. But not on an innocent 19 year old who just wants to rebel. These new videos are all the times I cried. For these whole period of 24 hours. The worst part is No one can understand the abuse I went through in hospital. They just dump a patient there and leave. Sometimes I just want to shut up and just jump. Don't need to explain anything. To these ignorant fools who don't understand the trauma we've been through.
To your own sister who hasn't stood by you for so long. When someone has tried, till her breaking point. She remains calm. Knowing she has found the solution. The only solution. She does it silently. It seems the only way out. She has decided on suicide. When nobody listens. Who cares about counsellors or psychiatrists? When all I need is someone like a sister to talk to. When she knows everything. 12:49:46 PM 12:50:08 PM 12:54:09 PM 12:56:11 PM
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
09 March 2017
It Ain't Me Kygo
Suicide.
Written on 14/9/2012 14 Sept 2012 Friday 6:15pm. Typed on 14/11/2012 14 Nov 2012 Wednesday 5:02pm
I turn to suicide because I am not able to cope with the series of interrelated, emotionally
stressful events or traumatic changes in my life.
These intense feelings of pain, deep auguish and intolerable emotions have bottled up for many years, in years of 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012, ever since I first entered into IMH in 2009. It has slowly worn down my self-esteem, coping abilities and resilience.
I believe that there are only two options - to continue suffering or die.
I feel hopeless and helpless, and think of suicide as a solution to end my sufferings.
It can be hard for me to explore other options on my own.
Eight out of 10 people who kill themselves give warnings of their intent before carrying it out, said the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS).
Some of these warning signs includes threats of wanting to end it all.
I was in IMH. If I should tumble, if I should fall, would anyone hear me screaming behind this castle walls, these castle walls.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Written on 14/9/2012 14 Sept 2012 Friday 6:15pm. Typed on 14/11/2012 14 Nov 2012 Wednesday 5:02pm
I turn to suicide because I am not able to cope with the series of interrelated, emotionally
stressful events or traumatic changes in my life.
These intense feelings of pain, deep auguish and intolerable emotions have bottled up for many years, in years of 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012, ever since I first entered into IMH in 2009. It has slowly worn down my self-esteem, coping abilities and resilience.
I believe that there are only two options - to continue suffering or die.
I feel hopeless and helpless, and think of suicide as a solution to end my sufferings.
It can be hard for me to explore other options on my own.
Eight out of 10 people who kill themselves give warnings of their intent before carrying it out, said the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS).
Some of these warning signs includes threats of wanting to end it all.
I was in IMH. If I should tumble, if I should fall, would anyone hear me screaming behind this castle walls, these castle walls.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Up and Running Jarrell 16.04.2013 3:18pm
Hi this is even more important: http://blog.christianitytoday.com/ctliveblog/archives/2013/04/rick_warrens_so.html
Rick Warren, author of Purpose Driven Life's youngest son Matthew Warren died by committing suicide by a gun.
"Kay(Rick's wife) and I often marveled at his courage to keep moving in spite of relentless pain. I’ll never forget how, many years ago, after another approach had failed to give relief, Matthew said “ Dad, I know I’m going to heaven. Why can’t I just die and end this pain?” but he kept going for another decade."
We, as the church, should help people like us, Ebenzer, and Yong Kit, people that the society thinks we have illness. Because I once did wanted, exactly like Matthew, I wanted to suicide by shooting myself with a gun in my head too. Staying in hospital was too much for me...
Let's help.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Rick Warren, author of Purpose Driven Life's youngest son Matthew Warren died by committing suicide by a gun.
"Kay(Rick's wife) and I often marveled at his courage to keep moving in spite of relentless pain. I’ll never forget how, many years ago, after another approach had failed to give relief, Matthew said “ Dad, I know I’m going to heaven. Why can’t I just die and end this pain?” but he kept going for another decade."
We, as the church, should help people like us, Ebenzer, and Yong Kit, people that the society thinks we have illness. Because I once did wanted, exactly like Matthew, I wanted to suicide by shooting myself with a gun in my head too. Staying in hospital was too much for me...
Let's help.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
9.06.2013 2:13
i dont want to bother you unnecessarily but my father says if i dont eat medicine, he will kick me out of the house.
I feel like i want to commit suicide so i can escape all these and go to heaven.
He hurts me when he does this. Force me to eat medicine.
He has cut down the medicine dosage to be one quarter, he asks me to eat only one quarter BUT i feel stomach pain after immediately i ate it.
I dont want to be FORCED to eat medicine. I want to experience anything myself!
Im just crying now. Because on one hand i dont want to die, but on the other hand it's a torture to live. Help!
I feel like some psycho that is forced to eat drugs.
I feel like i just want to go and shoot myself in the head to end it all.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I feel like i want to commit suicide so i can escape all these and go to heaven.
He hurts me when he does this. Force me to eat medicine.
He has cut down the medicine dosage to be one quarter, he asks me to eat only one quarter BUT i feel stomach pain after immediately i ate it.
I dont want to be FORCED to eat medicine. I want to experience anything myself!
Im just crying now. Because on one hand i dont want to die, but on the other hand it's a torture to live. Help!
I feel like some psycho that is forced to eat drugs.
I feel like i just want to go and shoot myself in the head to end it all.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
IMH not a place for me
Sometimes we wanna be artistic, like singing (in) the streets, or sticker-lady etc, we get thrown into hell-hole - Institute of Mental Health.
When we are doing self-exploration •in a different and 'weird' way• we are stopped in doing so, therefore still making Singapore a regimental society that hinges it's traditional values between culture and the pop-youths. Singapore will never be truly the iconic arts central and booming hub for the youths like what MCCY claims. Esplanade is a far cry from the gulags.
Some mis-commonly mis-understood 'unhealthy' behaviors:
I want to state that EVEN Pastor Joseph Prince does not sleep early. He states in one of his sermons that he's a late-night owl. You can say oh he's a Pastor mah etc. But to prove a point - not sleeping early doesn't mean it's not a "good lifestyle" or you have not recovered.
A staff nurse in IMH which I decline to name,
PERSONALLY told me she tried to hang herself and attempted suicide when she was in her teens due to parents divorcing and being a school failure.
Proof: We trying to suicide DOES NOT MEAN we have a mental illness. And lock us up please because they are trying to "keep us safe". 'Safe' is a very touchy issue. We try to keep ourselves safe but in our hearts, we have jumped down thrice.
3. The stupid bullying of the nurses to patients in IMH bare-ly, obviously and clearly shows THE NURSES are truly the ones suffering from Mental Illness. Amen.
19.7.2013 3:38
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
When we are doing self-exploration •in a different and 'weird' way• we are stopped in doing so, therefore still making Singapore a regimental society that hinges it's traditional values between culture and the pop-youths. Singapore will never be truly the iconic arts central and booming hub for the youths like what MCCY claims. Esplanade is a far cry from the gulags.
Some mis-commonly mis-understood 'unhealthy' behaviors:
I want to state that EVEN Pastor Joseph Prince does not sleep early. He states in one of his sermons that he's a late-night owl. You can say oh he's a Pastor mah etc. But to prove a point - not sleeping early doesn't mean it's not a "good lifestyle" or you have not recovered.
A staff nurse in IMH which I decline to name,
PERSONALLY told me she tried to hang herself and attempted suicide when she was in her teens due to parents divorcing and being a school failure.
Proof: We trying to suicide DOES NOT MEAN we have a mental illness. And lock us up please because they are trying to "keep us safe". 'Safe' is a very touchy issue. We try to keep ourselves safe but in our hearts, we have jumped down thrice.
3. The stupid bullying of the nurses to patients in IMH bare-ly, obviously and clearly shows THE NURSES are truly the ones suffering from Mental Illness. Amen.
19.7.2013 3:38
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
No handphones in ward
About not allowing handphones in the ward, of course, I understand patients can grab the handphone parts and eat them.
So you have to choose wisely the people who can be able to possess a handphone.
Someone who is reliable, who does not give the phone to an unwell patient to chew, or to endanger her.
Even though that, I can foresee problems occuring, because I lent a pen to a patient-friend of mine, with the intention to let her write letters to her parents, but after the doctor found a pen with her, she tortured me with accusations that I am almost killing her because she might use it to poke her eyes. And that she was suicidal.
And if I were to lend my handphone to a patient-friend of mine to make a call, and if my handphone is found to be in their hands, I could be in deep trouble.
Coming back, the handphone should be given to a mentally sound, sane person.
Me.
See, I was thrown into the gallows just because I displaced my parent's window to climb the hell in because they had locked me out. And that warrants me a lock-up. According to the "concerns" of the admitting officer.
And then, me, a normal teenager, being rebellious and hot-tempered in some areas, go in, and lived in a world 6 months without a handphone.
Just because my parents called the ambulance to send me to IMH, you all admit me.
And then after you all admit me,
You make it seem like I don't need to use the phone for 6 months.
Oh God!
After admitting me, my iPhone was thrown into the "Business Office" to rot while I rot in the confinements.
Even when my mother came to bring me out for parole, Sister Nancy (Nurse Clinician Narcissa Aquino De Leon) refused to give me my handphone because "I won't listen to my mother one".
If you don't know how much my torture is, I suggest this:
Throw aside your Handphone for 6 months. It don't matter if you have IPad, IPhone, Blackberry or Nokia.
Cut yourself off from the world for 6 months. And see how you feel.
The phone should be given to a normal person. And if a sane, red-blooded teenager like me who just went into hospital just because she tried to get into the house is not Normal, I don't know what I am.
I wasn't crazy, I wasn't insane or out of my mind, I was frustrated I was locked outside my house!
And that IMH doesn't even ASSESS my condition to make sure that I could have my iPhone with me.
If you are afraid of other unwell patients snatching and throwing and destroying my phone, then create a special ward for people like me! Sane people who got sent to IMH but can't go home because their ignorant and cruel parents refused to bring her home. So that we would not also become insane while mixing around with the real insane. Screams and shouts every morning and night would make any sane teenager brimming with anger. Please have some brains here. Brains means organisational skills and intellect.
If not, put me in the B Class ward. B1. I deserve better then this. I could have slept in my Queen size bed with my fan blowing at me 24/7 with my iPhone with me at all times.
Well, why should I pay for this when you guys are the ones who admitted me without using any brains, admitting me when I don't want it. And since you caused it, and even caused me to be homeless because my parents are so happy to have me in IMH, you have no right to let me suffer in the hospital. And, by far, the C Class wards are where the patients have the most sufferings from. No aircon, days are hot as hell, nurses ignore you, they bully you, mix with poor patients who demand your attention 24/7. I was so crushed, so grinded and so dumbfounded that I rather die then to stay alive. I rather commit suicide then to spend day, by day by day by day 1 month = 30 days, 6 months = 180 days there. And time passes by so slowly. I can do so, so many things in one day. I can listen to music, I can go kiss and talk to my mum in the morning, in the afternoon, go to town to have lunch with my friends, in the afternoon, attend a talkshow, at night, go cruising at Esplanade and go for cruise in a cruise ship, at midnight, go clubbing, and in the wee hours staying out in friend's house and having a good time. And can you imagine all these while I was in a stepped-down facility where every morning I get forced to bathe at 7.30am, and forced to go to a day area and not allowed to have the freedom to lie on our beds and do nothing there? I always went to a corner, and SLEPT ON THE FLOOR! I tried so hard to numb the pain of nothing-to-do-ness. And please don't tell me I've stayed the longest there. There are patient-friends of mine who has stayed in that unending pit for 2 years, 3 years, and I disgust to think about that when I look at their ash-beaten, weathered face. While the nurses get to work and earn money and play their handphones, we are giving away our lives, giving away our money and waiting to die.
This is not what it is supposed to be.
Even though we are 'mental patients', we have the freedom to live. You cannot force a person in confinements against their will. And if that person is really causing harm to others and herself, then you should counsel her, you should intervene with her family situation, bring her to Christ, and let God change her from the inside out. We are interested in heart transformation, not behaviour modification. I believe all these precious souls have a hurt in the past that made them like this. I shan't say more.
So, therefore, give the Handphone to me.
If I can't use it in the C Class ward, put me in the B Class ward. Because there was simply no need, redundant as I would say, to keep me jailed up for 6 months. I'll like to reiterate that I wasn't violent to the nurses there, I wasn't hallucinating, I wasn't unwell. And even if you make a normal person go through the things I went through, he or she WILL become unwell.
Just because I have unique thinkings, I have a different mindset, the doctors inject me mercilessly, I get forced to swallow bitter medicine which made your brain slow down 100% and therefore making you as good as incapacitated. It prevents me from functioning in a normal way.
So, I should be able to use my handphone. I should have the freedom to have access to the internet, to listen to music, to play games and to socialise.
If I can't use it in C Class, transfer me to B Class, if B Class has unwell patients, build a ward specially for the ironically well patients.
We should have big beds to sleep on, fans that blow us directly, and service that is commendable.
May God bless you all and love like Jesus did.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
So you have to choose wisely the people who can be able to possess a handphone.
Someone who is reliable, who does not give the phone to an unwell patient to chew, or to endanger her.
Even though that, I can foresee problems occuring, because I lent a pen to a patient-friend of mine, with the intention to let her write letters to her parents, but after the doctor found a pen with her, she tortured me with accusations that I am almost killing her because she might use it to poke her eyes. And that she was suicidal.
And if I were to lend my handphone to a patient-friend of mine to make a call, and if my handphone is found to be in their hands, I could be in deep trouble.
Coming back, the handphone should be given to a mentally sound, sane person.
Me.
See, I was thrown into the gallows just because I displaced my parent's window to climb the hell in because they had locked me out. And that warrants me a lock-up. According to the "concerns" of the admitting officer.
And then, me, a normal teenager, being rebellious and hot-tempered in some areas, go in, and lived in a world 6 months without a handphone.
Just because my parents called the ambulance to send me to IMH, you all admit me.
And then after you all admit me,
You make it seem like I don't need to use the phone for 6 months.
Oh God!
After admitting me, my iPhone was thrown into the "Business Office" to rot while I rot in the confinements.
Even when my mother came to bring me out for parole, Sister Nancy (Nurse Clinician Narcissa Aquino De Leon) refused to give me my handphone because "I won't listen to my mother one".
If you don't know how much my torture is, I suggest this:
Throw aside your Handphone for 6 months. It don't matter if you have IPad, IPhone, Blackberry or Nokia.
Cut yourself off from the world for 6 months. And see how you feel.
The phone should be given to a normal person. And if a sane, red-blooded teenager like me who just went into hospital just because she tried to get into the house is not Normal, I don't know what I am.
I wasn't crazy, I wasn't insane or out of my mind, I was frustrated I was locked outside my house!
And that IMH doesn't even ASSESS my condition to make sure that I could have my iPhone with me.
If you are afraid of other unwell patients snatching and throwing and destroying my phone, then create a special ward for people like me! Sane people who got sent to IMH but can't go home because their ignorant and cruel parents refused to bring her home. So that we would not also become insane while mixing around with the real insane. Screams and shouts every morning and night would make any sane teenager brimming with anger. Please have some brains here. Brains means organisational skills and intellect.
If not, put me in the B Class ward. B1. I deserve better then this. I could have slept in my Queen size bed with my fan blowing at me 24/7 with my iPhone with me at all times.
Well, why should I pay for this when you guys are the ones who admitted me without using any brains, admitting me when I don't want it. And since you caused it, and even caused me to be homeless because my parents are so happy to have me in IMH, you have no right to let me suffer in the hospital. And, by far, the C Class wards are where the patients have the most sufferings from. No aircon, days are hot as hell, nurses ignore you, they bully you, mix with poor patients who demand your attention 24/7. I was so crushed, so grinded and so dumbfounded that I rather die then to stay alive. I rather commit suicide then to spend day, by day by day by day 1 month = 30 days, 6 months = 180 days there. And time passes by so slowly. I can do so, so many things in one day. I can listen to music, I can go kiss and talk to my mum in the morning, in the afternoon, go to town to have lunch with my friends, in the afternoon, attend a talkshow, at night, go cruising at Esplanade and go for cruise in a cruise ship, at midnight, go clubbing, and in the wee hours staying out in friend's house and having a good time. And can you imagine all these while I was in a stepped-down facility where every morning I get forced to bathe at 7.30am, and forced to go to a day area and not allowed to have the freedom to lie on our beds and do nothing there? I always went to a corner, and SLEPT ON THE FLOOR! I tried so hard to numb the pain of nothing-to-do-ness. And please don't tell me I've stayed the longest there. There are patient-friends of mine who has stayed in that unending pit for 2 years, 3 years, and I disgust to think about that when I look at their ash-beaten, weathered face. While the nurses get to work and earn money and play their handphones, we are giving away our lives, giving away our money and waiting to die.
This is not what it is supposed to be.
Even though we are 'mental patients', we have the freedom to live. You cannot force a person in confinements against their will. And if that person is really causing harm to others and herself, then you should counsel her, you should intervene with her family situation, bring her to Christ, and let God change her from the inside out. We are interested in heart transformation, not behaviour modification. I believe all these precious souls have a hurt in the past that made them like this. I shan't say more.
So, therefore, give the Handphone to me.
If I can't use it in the C Class ward, put me in the B Class ward. Because there was simply no need, redundant as I would say, to keep me jailed up for 6 months. I'll like to reiterate that I wasn't violent to the nurses there, I wasn't hallucinating, I wasn't unwell. And even if you make a normal person go through the things I went through, he or she WILL become unwell.
Just because I have unique thinkings, I have a different mindset, the doctors inject me mercilessly, I get forced to swallow bitter medicine which made your brain slow down 100% and therefore making you as good as incapacitated. It prevents me from functioning in a normal way.
So, I should be able to use my handphone. I should have the freedom to have access to the internet, to listen to music, to play games and to socialise.
If I can't use it in C Class, transfer me to B Class, if B Class has unwell patients, build a ward specially for the ironically well patients.
We should have big beds to sleep on, fans that blow us directly, and service that is commendable.
May God bless you all and love like Jesus did.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Why I should suicide: Grabbling with the idea of going to a destitute home..
Why I should suicide:
Grabbling with the idea of going to a destitute home..
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Grabbling with the idea of going to a destitute home..
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
ruditansengkokgen.blogspot.com
ruditansengkokgen.blogspot.com
My Suicide letter 23 April 2016 1.36pm
I suicide because of all the injections I've been given, the medicines I've been forced on that changed my brain chemistry. That make me think of death non stop.
And for IMH for torturing me. I got bullied by the nurses there.
I want sa pek to regret bringing me there.
I hate sa pek. He ruined my life. It is because of him I end my life.
I am scared to go to IMH again. Therefore I want to end my life before that happens.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
My Suicide letter 23 April 2016 1.36pm
I suicide because of all the injections I've been given, the medicines I've been forced on that changed my brain chemistry. That make me think of death non stop.
And for IMH for torturing me. I got bullied by the nurses there.
I want sa pek to regret bringing me there.
I hate sa pek. He ruined my life. It is because of him I end my life.
I am scared to go to IMH again. Therefore I want to end my life before that happens.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
07 March 2017
21 February 2017
Ask the PM
Ask The PM. Singapolitics.sg
Ask the PM 31 August 2012 Friday 5:57pm
Ask the PM
1. The core values of nursing is care and professionalism. But during my stay in the stigmatised Institute of Mental Health/Woodbridge hospital in the years of 2009 - 2012, some examples of bullying and terrorising I experience in here from nurses are: costaping patients' mouth, kicking and climbing on top of patients and singing happily to taunt patients that they can't go home. These nurses need a record to go after them and like a criminal who cross over the legal line, these type of nurses should have some measures to deal with them. There should be a strict form of regulation that the nurses perform to their best of their professionalism. What kind of legal framework could be in place for nurses who mistreat/bully their patients? Could a greater and standardised punishment or striking out of misbehaviour in the nursing profession be centralised and established?
2. Could the Institute of Mental Health have more spot checks? Apart from spot checks, what kind of whistle-blowing acts can be done as part of the service and health care industry's to flush out errant services? And how can we flush out errant services and maintain it?
3. What more could be done to protect the wills and rights of mentally ill patients in the Institute of Mental Health? Or other mental hospitals per se
4. Can more transparency be meted out to mental hospitals? We seldom see what really happens to the people staying inside the Institute of Mental Health. It could be other mental hospitals as well. (But IMH being the main mental healthcare institution..) Could the government break the barrier between “normal” people and mentally ill to the gracious society and care-needed mental patients?
5. How can we break the stigma of mental illness in Singapore just like how we break the second prison of ex-convicts in the Yellow Ribbon? How can we better communicate between the stories of the mentally ill and the “sane”?
6. How can we broadly make known the side of the mentally ill patients in Singapore and let people know about the lesser known individuals? How can we not keep mental illness and it’s related things in the dark?
7. How can we build a more liberal and acceptive society? Especially in the area of accepting, caring and integrating mental patients in Singapore?
Ine at 3:32 AM
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Ask The PM. Singapolitics.sg
Ask the PM 31 August 2012 Friday 5:57pm
Ask the PM
1. The core values of nursing is care and professionalism. But during my stay in the stigmatised Institute of Mental Health/Woodbridge hospital in the years of 2009 - 2012, some examples of bullying and terrorising I experience in here from nurses are: costaping patients' mouth, kicking and climbing on top of patients and singing happily to taunt patients that they can't go home. These nurses need a record to go after them and like a criminal who cross over the legal line, these type of nurses should have some measures to deal with them. There should be a strict form of regulation that the nurses perform to their best of their professionalism. What kind of legal framework could be in place for nurses who mistreat/bully their patients? Could a greater and standardised punishment or striking out of misbehaviour in the nursing profession be centralised and established?
2. Could the Institute of Mental Health have more spot checks? Apart from spot checks, what kind of whistle-blowing acts can be done as part of the service and health care industry's to flush out errant services? And how can we flush out errant services and maintain it?
3. What more could be done to protect the wills and rights of mentally ill patients in the Institute of Mental Health? Or other mental hospitals per se
4. Can more transparency be meted out to mental hospitals? We seldom see what really happens to the people staying inside the Institute of Mental Health. It could be other mental hospitals as well. (But IMH being the main mental healthcare institution..) Could the government break the barrier between “normal” people and mentally ill to the gracious society and care-needed mental patients?
5. How can we break the stigma of mental illness in Singapore just like how we break the second prison of ex-convicts in the Yellow Ribbon? How can we better communicate between the stories of the mentally ill and the “sane”?
6. How can we broadly make known the side of the mentally ill patients in Singapore and let people know about the lesser known individuals? How can we not keep mental illness and it’s related things in the dark?
7. How can we build a more liberal and acceptive society? Especially in the area of accepting, caring and integrating mental patients in Singapore?
Ine at 3:32 AM
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Location:Ask the PM
20 February 2017
I refer to The Straits Times article 'Tearing down barriers', 30 August 2013.
I thank CEO Chua Hoon Choon for stepping out in faith in IMH.
I would still continue to let the public know what is behind the walls of IMH still. Because the C Class wards of IMH have no beds with fences, pictures on walls, plugs above beds nor curtains as I first see in the news photo. I forgive IMH's past, but remembers it and change the future by making the walls transparent.
Mental illness is not incurable and even if sane persons are "housed" in a "safe" place to receive "humane" care, they are very sure to turn insane.
I was dumped in IMH because my parents couldn't handle me. But I received the butt of bullying by nurses, forced injections by doctors and sometimes the case manager would ignore me. I was admitted when I wasn't supposed to.
And once I got in, I could never get out. Until 6 months later. None of my family members visited me unless after months. Therefore, I understand fully why the patient jumped to his death upon reaching home because it is often what happens inside IMH people do not know that have caused heavy oppression and stigma on them.
Don't keep people in IMH in it's state because they are better off without the depression, especially the loss of social contact.
I would like to encourage pastors and leaders of our community to reach out to these people and be with them in love and healing. Sometimes their struggles can be mostly a battle of the mind. People will live without walls when they change their minds towards love.
This is the new era. We are the new generation, therefore medicine is not everything, injections does not salvage people, doctors are not healers, staying in hospital does not mean you will be well. But pastoral care is the new way of life.
Now, 'mentally ill' is the new fash.
- Miss G
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I thank CEO Chua Hoon Choon for stepping out in faith in IMH.
I would still continue to let the public know what is behind the walls of IMH still. Because the C Class wards of IMH have no beds with fences, pictures on walls, plugs above beds nor curtains as I first see in the news photo. I forgive IMH's past, but remembers it and change the future by making the walls transparent.
Mental illness is not incurable and even if sane persons are "housed" in a "safe" place to receive "humane" care, they are very sure to turn insane.
I was dumped in IMH because my parents couldn't handle me. But I received the butt of bullying by nurses, forced injections by doctors and sometimes the case manager would ignore me. I was admitted when I wasn't supposed to.
And once I got in, I could never get out. Until 6 months later. None of my family members visited me unless after months. Therefore, I understand fully why the patient jumped to his death upon reaching home because it is often what happens inside IMH people do not know that have caused heavy oppression and stigma on them.
Don't keep people in IMH in it's state because they are better off without the depression, especially the loss of social contact.
I would like to encourage pastors and leaders of our community to reach out to these people and be with them in love and healing. Sometimes their struggles can be mostly a battle of the mind. People will live without walls when they change their minds towards love.
This is the new era. We are the new generation, therefore medicine is not everything, injections does not salvage people, doctors are not healers, staying in hospital does not mean you will be well. But pastoral care is the new way of life.
Now, 'mentally ill' is the new fash.
- Miss G
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
26 January 2017
Strategy
If I die, it is being smart.
It is not being stupid.
I have to think about my future.
A future locked up forever and life time subjected to that medicine?
That mind destructive medicine?
If I don't kill myself I may kill my son/daughter next time
The medicine on my brain is so strong it's causing suicidal tendencies already
I can't imagine the next half of my life staying in IMH
Dying is best.
It is not being stupid.
I have to think about my future.
A future locked up forever and life time subjected to that medicine?
That mind destructive medicine?
If I don't kill myself I may kill my son/daughter next time
The medicine on my brain is so strong it's causing suicidal tendencies already
I can't imagine the next half of my life staying in IMH
Dying is best.
13 January 2017
Nobody understands...
That I want to die to prevent myself from being tortured alive in hospital.
That I went through Electro convulsive therapy and 2 years of injections that completely altered my brain chemistry that now I cannot think of anything but death.
That I went through Electro convulsive therapy and 2 years of injections that completely altered my brain chemistry that now I cannot think of anything but death.
16 November 2016
Forgot to post this.
This happened only recently. From another confessor at IMH Confessions
Lack of Autonomy
Most possessions taken away
No freedom in choosing what food to eat
No access to phones or laptops
A fucking ugly uniform
Lack of Social Support
Only have a certain period of time when the patients are allowed to call home
Spend most of the day simply trapped in the ward with nothing to do. Most simply sit there and stone
If no relatives visit the patients, they won’t have anyone to really talk to the whole day. In fact, for majority of the patients, I do not see anyone visiting them
Lack of Leisure Activity
Limited activities inside the ward
Only have a television that is very small and can’t even hear the volume
Has a radio
Some board games
But most patients simply sit there and do nothing the whole lack
Lack of Sanitation
Toilet paper is not readily available. You must ask it from the nurse. I had no idea that I had to ask at first, so I went to pee without being able to wipe
Toilet and floor was stained with poop
When showering, only one bottle of soup was available. The label writes ‘shampoo’. Where is the one for the body, then?
The pillow was a hard thing wrapped in plastic. So I put the pillow aside and simply lie on the bed without it
Abusive Nurses
Case One:
Patient: I want to eat breakfast!
Nurse: Later. If you make noise again, you’ll eat shit
Case Two:
Patient was confiding in me about how she wishes to call her sister to ask her to buy her medical oil but the nurse refused her. I recalled that last night, she was indeed begging the nurse to let her call her sister. Even though the patient explained that her sister is flying off to Malaysia, and will not be contactable if she waits till the “calling time”. But the nurse insisted that “calling time” is over.
She was simply crying quietly to me, which was very okay for me. After all, I’m a psychology student and ready to counsel her if needed. But the nurses walked by and called her attention-seeking, and tied up her.
And that was when started screaming and crying and kicking.
Along the way, the nurses taunted her with:
“Attention-seeking only. No tears from your eyes.”
“You shut up.”
“Cry louder. Cry louder.”
“Somatic la you!”
One of them even started to mimic the way the patient was wailing.
Case Two:
I was reading my lecture notes while eating breakfast slowly. I was eating slowly because I had no appetite but I know I had to eat because I need energy
I suddenly felt a nurse jabbing my shoulder roughly, and shouting at me to hurry up and finish. When breakfast time was not even halfway over. I lost my appetite competely and only ate ¼ of it
As I observe her further, I later realises that she likes to shout at patients needlessly
Case Three:
Patient was wailing and being slightly violent
Nurse was like, “Come, beat beat beat. You beat me, I got MC then I don’t need to come to work. I give you beat, why you don’t want to beat?”
Case Four:
Patient pooped in pants. Nurse call her a pig. Another nurse shouted at her to wipe the mess herself. Patient doesn’t want to wash her butt. Nurse threatens her with ‘no meal’.
They let her walking around the place with shit on her butt. Then, she changed her butt and started wailing that she wants to wash her back side. The nurses all ignored her. One nurse mimicked her, ignoring her request
What I felt:
Treated less than a human
Felt that even though I came into the hospital without any suicidal thoughts, I will end up having suicidal thoughts if I stayed any longer
Traumatic to hear and listen to all the abuses and mistreatments happening, and yet unable to voice out about it. Because I need to play the role of a model patient in order to get discharged as soon as possible
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